Candlewitch
Candlewitch
May 29, 2023

P. O. L. (dark, may offend some...by: eddy styx)

P.(praise)O.(our)L.(lord)

an afternoon "show"
at an elite resort
guests here, me
and my consort.
I, preacher at the podium
guest speaker (and wife)
from "Universal of Life Church"
ordained by a matchbook cover.
turning on my microphone,
I address the crowd below.
"welcome one and all to the
Praise Our Lord show!"
let us open with the laws
of the ten commandments.
number "3 Thou shalt have no
other gods before me." I
ordered (so give all your money to me!)
at which my(Jon Butcher) wife; Sammie Raye
passed the hat, mascara streaming
down her heavily made-up face
big wet tears glistening
mixing a mess to blend with her lace!
never dreaming of arrest and prison
for my religious and medical scam
I cure covid 19 by a touch of my hand!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

This poem is a satirical take on televangelism and the scams associated with it. While the concept is interesting, the execution falls short. The rhyming pattern is inconsistent and the flow of the poem feels choppy. Some lines are forced and don't fit well with the overall tone of the poem.

Additionally, the use of offensive language may turn off some readers. The line "big wet tears glistening" feels particularly crass and unnecessary.

One suggested line edit could be to replace "big wet tears glistening" with "tears streaming down her painted face". This maintains the image without being as vulgar.

Overall, this poem has potential, but needs some work in terms of structure and language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ruby Lord

Wow, this is very good. I loved it, how you picked out the truth of the "preachers," It reads well and i enjoed the message. Ruby :)

Alex Tanner

If this offends people they deserve it. I don't know any of the names you give so can't say whether your words refer to real or imaginary but I am just glad that we don't (I think) have many preachers (con men?) like that in the UK. Alex

Candlewitch

they were a real couple. I think they went to prison. does the last name Baker ring a bell? I changed the first names to sound like the real names. thank you for your support!

*hugs, Cat

Alex Tanner

Done my homework, found them and read about them. I see they were the subject of a 2021 film. The Eyes of Tammy Faye. I'll have to find a copy. Alex

RoseBlack

This is incredible and truthful. What a strong write on a controversial topic. I can't think of anything I would change.

Unca Fez

Since we've been together for 40+ years, this doesn't surprise me. It takes apart the religious-money-machine that has grown in the US: Televangialism. They prey on people desperate for a miracle. They are the scum of the earth. I applaud your very accurate description of them.

Seren

Seren

1 year 10 months ago

There are a few of these here but thankfully most people here aren't taken in by their scams, I have faith as you know but as I've aged my belief system has also changed and I don't believe with the fervour I once did. I do have a belief system, the cosmos and all it is? something so massively beautiful and dangerous has to hold some powerful secrets, doesn't it?

I remember the couple you have referenced. They were a thing for a time weren't they?

Much love always Lilbit xxxx

Candlewitch

a part of me laughed at how greedy and grasping they were. they put on one hell of a tawdry show! with Tammy Faye's black eye make up running down her cheeks into her bra! that is the answer to her driven need to feel loved.... kinda pathetic...

*love, Cat Sis

J

You know what, I am so glad to see some 'difficult ' subjects up for discussion in poetry.

Somehow we are still caught in a belief system that religions etc are 'whatever' holders of the true- truth, and even have the ear of power and Governments sometimes. I am not against religion, but ask that they respect my beliefs too. Unlikely, eh?

I find religious belief systems truly complicated: they say this, that and something else-, forgive etc - but will smash you, if you try to speak your truth, or are different, the wrong skin colour etc - and use that odd word 'evil' with mythological/ fantasy overtones.

Rant over. Bravo Cat, for brave poetry. We need more, speaking our truth with honesty, with kindness - but with clear sight.

I might adopt a dark side (the dark being a place of clear sight in a place of many colours, not just one paradigm) too!

Candlewitch

after reading your comment, I posted one of my best poems: "Cursed Or Blessed?" I hope you will get the chance to read it as I think you might like it.

as a child I was religiously abused by my maternal grand mother. she had a grudge against my very existence! it is unfortunate that I had to live with her, with my next older sister, for a year. if you would like more details on this, please p.m. me and I will accommodate you.

thank you for reading my poem and the enlightened comment. I really appreciate!

*love and hugs, Cat