His voice
soft, gentle mesmerizing,
pleading with me to rise above,
loneliness filling the urgency.
I awake, "where am I?"
the only light is of
hundreds of luminescent candles
there is music, the music of the night
and he is there my angel of music
inside, a part of what he has made of me
I'm lost within the seductiveness of his voice.
It is not pity I feel
when I gaze upon him
but a deep longing
to learn the mysteries
And yet I feel fear
There are many masks to hide the scars
But I see only him
I’m entranced by his being
The darkness of his soul
blends with the gentleness of his love
He calls to me;
“sing for me Christine, sing for me!”
And so I sing...
All becomes obliterated
As I melt into his arms.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Love of Phantom" seems to be a narrative piece that explores themes of love, fear, and longing. It is filled with vivid imagery and emotional depth, which helps to engage the reader and draw them into the story.
The use of language in the poem is effective in creating a sense of atmosphere and emotion. Phrases such as "soft, gentle mesmerizing", "luminescent candles", and "the music of the night" contribute to a sense of mystery and intrigue.
The structure of the poem, with its varying line lengths and lack of a consistent rhyme scheme, adds to the sense of unpredictability and tension. This could be seen as reflecting the protagonist's feelings of uncertainty and fear.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. For instance, the line "A loneliness fills the urgency" is somewhat unclear and could benefit from further clarification.
Additionally, while the poem effectively conveys the protagonist's emotions, it could benefit from a deeper exploration of the character of the 'phantom'. This would provide a more balanced perspective and add depth to the narrative.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more careful use of punctuation. For example, the line "“sing for me Christine, sing for me!”" could be punctuated as "“Sing for me, Christine. Sing for me!”" to better convey the dramatic nature of the moment.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of language and a keen sense of atmosphere. With some refinement, it has the potential to be a compelling narrative piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Your title...
is very good.
I see this as a dream, and something that comes from the deep love of your partner.
I love the scene you have painted, the hundreds of candles and the music that begs you to sing.
The language use is very good and sends one on a seductive journey.
The pace is sedate without being frozen or tripping over itself.
I love the theme, I'm a sucker for romance of the kind that is not suppose to be, yet is!
Consistent all the way through.
It begins and ends with a flourish, not a bang.
This is one of your best of late, nicely done! ~ Geez.
.
dear Geez,
this is high praise, and I am basking in the joy of your gift. this was my take on the story of the Phantom of the Opera (which I love... my favorite one stars Gerard Butler as the phantom. the music he produces with the instrument of his lusty voice is most excellent!
*love, Cat
I think this is beautiful
How we love the man behind the mask despite the scars and how we would do anything for him. I can hear Christine's love and devotion when he asks her to sing. Phantom of the Opera was a great musical. Well done.
*smiles
thanks Carrie! I love that flick! the story-line is pure tortured romance. and the beauty therein. I am glad you liked my take on it!
*love, Cat
A Fitting Piece For One Of Your Favorites
The poem does justice to the Phantom of the Opera movie that I've watch uncounted times with you. (Phantom of the Opera, 1896, adapted by Andrew Lloyd Webber.) Your poem describes the relationship between Christine Daaé and the Phantom, or, as she calls him, Angel of Music: An achingly strong longing to know him better, yet afraid of what she will find. You've captured it well. Kudos!
dearest Steven,
thank you for telling me that I have succeeded in my quest to Capture Christine Daaé part of the story. although, her part is not yet finished here. we will watch the movie one more time today, lol.
*love, Cat