Chaos looms like a darkening clouds
Swirling around enveloping crowds.
A burden so heavy it crushes,
All it that it brushes.
Markets all precariously waiting
One pop sees them deflating.
Desperate mad flitting souls
With panic stricken goals.
Power clinging ON, by scary grip,
Fearful this is not just a blip.
Yet by their desperate exchange
We see the precipice of change,
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem "Clinging onto Power". Your poem effectively captures the sense of chaos and uncertainty that often accompanies those who hold onto power. The imagery of a darkening cloud and the burden that crushes all it touches is particularly powerful.
In terms of constructive feedback, I would suggest considering the use of more specific language to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. For example, instead of "markets all precariously waiting", you could describe a specific market or industry that is feeling the pressure. Additionally, the line "Desperate mad flitting souls" feels a bit vague and could benefit from more specific imagery or description.
Overall, your poem effectively conveys a sense of urgency and fear, and I think with some additional attention to specific language and imagery, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I think
the meter is a bit ragged, you could maybe try leaving some words out or adding some to adjust that.
It would also give you some room for helping the reader to envision the scene more readily.
The theme is one of concern to anyone trying to keep their nest egg from being depleted.
Many people depend on the stock-market and hope to make enough to retire on.
Well done on making everyone feel afraid! ~Geezer.
.
I think this is reflective of
I think this is reflective of our times in particular how the markets and those who bet on them control our lives without us realising.
For example, when Liz Truss became th UK prime minister, her policies crashed the markets. She resigned after a very short term in office. Not because she felt she'd done anything wrong but because the pressure from the markets was so great she had to go.
It's a good subject to write about and it jumped out at me because of my political perception of government and who is in control.
I enjoyed your poem and can see/understand its relevance right now. Ruby :)
Oh yes
Yes the current cost of Greed Crisis, caused by a government clinging onto power, gives me inspiration for many of my poems.
Roll on the next General election hey.