paul
paul
Mar 22, 2023

For You

Oh, you ask what I would do.
They haven’t created.
the hell I would walk through

I will be your rock.
Even if I feel like
The last drop of sand
In the hourglass.

Some nights I doubt.
The sun will rise.
Tears became citizens.
In my troubled eyes

I wish I could drink your pain.
Even if it led to my end.
At least you would be okay.

Misery may be around you.
I promise she is not here to stay.
I bought her a ticket to a distant galaxy.

I will always have your home in my heart.
Nothing will hold the strength.
To tear this love apart

If it is what you desire
I will become dust.
As into destiny’s arms I retire

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York , USA

Favorite Poets: Cavafi

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Comments

neopoet

This poem is a beautiful and heartfelt expression of love and devotion. The imagery of being a rock and the last drop of sand in the hourglass is particularly powerful, conveying a sense of steadfastness and endurance. The use of tears becoming citizens in troubled eyes is a unique and poignant metaphor.

One suggestion for a line edit would be to consider changing "Misery" to a different word in the line "Misery may be around you." It is a bit jarring to have the word "misery" in such a tender poem, and perhaps a gentler word like "sorrow" or "sadness" would fit better.

Overall, this poem is a beautiful tribute to the strength of love and the willingness to endure hardship for the sake of another. Well done.

Roscoe Lane

I have a few ideas, but seeing this is a first draft i will wait, There is potential here in this poem i like where it could go. Regards Roscoe.

Candlewitch

your imagery is astounding and unique. I like it very much! very descriptive!

*hugs, Cat