Neopoem of the week June 18th to June 24th 2023

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Passages of Rhyme

all knees and elbows;
I remember that awkward stage,
feeling out of faze in my body
when being graceful was the rage.

a faint hunger in my belly
growing to an aching roar.
watching the dancers with their
inspired movements on the floor.

how I longed to join them
letting the music move me
carrying me along in rhythm
finding notes of ecstasy.

hanging back, watching from the wings
listening, hearing the music of the time
caught up in the lights and the words
of the lyrical passages of rhyme

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Passages of Rhyme

1. Imagery and Language:
The poem effectively uses imagery to convey the feeling of longing and the desire to join the dancers. The phrases "all knees and elbows" and "feeling out of faze in my body" create a vivid picture of the awkward stage the speaker is experiencing. Additionally, the use of words like "faint hunger," "aching roar," and "inspired movements" evoke strong emotions.

To strengthen the poem further, consider refining the language and exploring more unique metaphors or similes. For example, the line "when being graceful was the rage" could be rephrased to create a more striking image or comparison.

2. Structure and Pacing:
The poem is divided into four stanzas, each with four lines. This structure creates a sense of balance and consistency. However, the pacing of the poem could be improved by varying the line lengths or stanza breaks. This would create more dynamic movement within the poem and mirror the dance theme.

3. Theme and Message:
The theme of longing and the desire to join in the dance is clear and relatable. The poem effectively conveys the feeling of being an outsider, watching others participate in something the speaker wishes to be a part of. To enhance the message, consider exploring the reasons behind the speaker's hesitation or the emotions they experience as they watch from the sidelines. This would add depth to the poem and invite readers to reflect on their own experiences of longing and hesitation.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys its theme and emotions through vivid imagery and language. By refining the language, exploring unique metaphors, and adding depth to the speaker's emotions, the poem can be strengthened and become even more engaging.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

dear Maximus,

you see with eyes unclouded; for she was me, a long time ago. thank you for your kindly comments and support.

*many hugs, Cat

Dearest One

I think this is something that most of us go through at times in our lives, if it's not dance? its sport or music or something else. There is always something we feel that we are lacking in in some sense. I absolutely love this poem. I think it shows a more vulnerable side of you. I think its brilliant!!

Brava

Love always Lilbit xxx