Who made this spot for only me
To bathe me in the beauty of this land,
Where stately trees and sky are all you see
And you can feel the touch of nature's hand?
The everlasting sentinels of time
Wave in the clean sharp atmosphere above,
Dispensing fragrance born of sage and pine
Like Mother Nature's gifts of love.
Last Few Words: I hope you enjoy.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Title: The Mountains I Love
In this poem, the speaker expresses their admiration for the natural beauty of a specific location, highlighting the trees, sky, and the touch of nature's hand. The poem is structured as two quatrains with an ABAB rhyme scheme, which lends a sense of coherence and unity to the piece.
To enhance the poem's impact, consider the following suggestions:
1. Imagery: While the poem does a good job of evoking the beauty of the landscape, incorporating more vivid and specific imagery could help the reader to better visualize the scene. For example, instead of simply stating "stately trees," consider describing the types of trees, their colors, or the way they move in the wind.
2. Word choice: Some phrases, such as "Mother Nature's gifts of love," can come across as clichéd. Experimenting with more original and evocative language can help to create a more engaging and memorable poem.
3. Rhythm and meter: The poem's rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can make it difficult to read aloud. Consider revising the lines to create a more consistent meter, such as iambic pentameter, to give the poem a smoother, more natural flow.
4. Theme development: The poem touches on themes of nature's beauty and the speaker's connection to the landscape. To deepen the poem's impact, consider exploring these themes further, perhaps by delving into the speaker's emotions or by examining the relationship between humanity and the natural world more broadly.
Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and effectively conveys the speaker's admiration for the natural world. By incorporating more vivid imagery, refining the word choice, and focusing on rhythm and theme development, the poem can become even more engaging and impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I agree...
with the AI, insomuch as you have the basis for a great piece. It is well done on its own. However, I would like to see a more rhythmic meter, which would help to make it somewhat smoother. Also, a line or two more about why you would think that this scene was made for you and you alone. Your rhyme and near rhyme are perfect!
~ Geezer.
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