Lavender
Lavender
Jun 04, 2023

Epitaph

She tried to write a final poem
before her bell had tolled,
but took too long composing,
now her hand has turned to mold.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It's hard to find just the right words, sometimes.

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Epitaph

Poem text:
She tried to write a final poem
before her bell had tolled,
but took too long composing,
now her hand has turned to mold.

Feedback:

1. Structure: The poem follows a simple AABB rhyme scheme and has a consistent rhythm. The brevity of the poem contributes to its impact, as it succinctly conveys the message.

2. Imagery: The imagery in the poem is effective in evoking a sense of finality and the passage of time. The use of "bell" and "mold" create a somber atmosphere, while the idea of a hand turning to mold highlights the physical decay that comes with death.

3. Theme: The theme of the poem revolves around the idea of missed opportunities and the inevitability of death. The poet's subject is unable to complete her final poem before her time runs out, which serves as a reminder to readers to seize the moment and make the most of their time.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider exploring the subject's emotions or thoughts in more depth. This could help readers connect with the subject on a deeper level and create a more poignant experience.

2. Experiment with varying the poem's structure or rhythm to create a more dynamic reading experience. This could involve using enjambment, varying line lengths, or changing the rhyme scheme.

3. To further strengthen the theme, consider incorporating additional imagery or metaphors that emphasize the passage of time or the fleeting nature of life. This could help to reinforce the poem's message and create a more vivid picture for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

If there were those emoji guys available here, I'm not certain if I'd use a frown or a smiley face to respond to your comment. Probably both! Thank you for reading this bit of humor! Always appreciated!
L

Lavender

This was written absolutely, positively with a poetic dry sense of humor. (Which I very seldom do.) I feel I've been friends with several poets here long enough to hopefully be remembered a bit more tenderly, and with a bit of wit, too.
Thank you for reading!
Lav

Geezer

I think that I could believe that you are a bit of a procrastinator! I am! That is why I recognize and agree with the dry, humor
part of it all. "It's just an epitaph, I'll get around to it, I've got plenty of time". Ooops!
~ Geez.
.

Lavender

I love your take on this! However, I tend to be pretty picky when choosing the exact words and language for a poem. I think I'm more of a hyper-perfectionist than a procrastinator, but one can sure lead to the other. (As in writing your own epitaph...) I really like this poem topic! I gave it some thought and this is what splayed itself out on the page. A bit of fun!
Thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks!
L

B

Reminds me of some of Asimov's limericks! Very well done; I guess we can say she's now a poet who is decomposing.

Lavender

Decomposing! How I wish I had thought of that!
L

Seren

Seren

1 year 10 months ago

I had to pmsl because I'm a procrastinator from way back. I absolutely love the tongue in cheek humor!!

Well done

Love always J xxx