Alex Tanner
Alex Tanner
Jun 05, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

June 2023 Challenge Write your epitaph

(Read More...)

Epitaph.

Yer lies I gurt 'ead and blunder
Never seen the lightnin'
Never 'eard the thunder.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: Isle of Wight United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Poe

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neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Epitaph
Poem text:
Yer lies I gurt 'ead and blunder
Never seen the lightnin'
Never 'eard the thunder.

Feedback:

1. Clarity and structure: The poem is a three-line epitaph, which is a brief statement commemorating a deceased person. The language used is colloquial and informal, which can make it difficult for some readers to understand. Consider revising the language to make the meaning clearer and more accessible to a wider audience.

2. Imagery and symbolism: The poem uses the imagery of lightning and thunder to convey the idea that the deceased person never experienced the intensity or power of life. This is an interesting concept, but it could be expanded upon to create a more vivid and engaging image for the reader. Consider adding more descriptive language or incorporating additional metaphors to enhance the imagery.

3. Theme and tone: The theme of the poem is the idea of a life not fully lived or experienced. The tone is somber and reflective, which is appropriate for an epitaph. To further develop the theme, consider exploring the reasons why the deceased person never experienced the intensity of life or how their life could have been different.

4. Rhythm and rhyme: The poem does not follow a consistent rhyme scheme or meter, which can make it feel disjointed. Consider revising the poem to incorporate a more consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme to enhance the overall flow and readability of the piece.

Overall, the poem presents an interesting concept and theme, but could benefit from revisions to improve clarity, imagery, and structure.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

of the intent here; if you meant to use the word [gurt] as it is used in reality, but I will go with that meaning.
I see the first line as meaning that you have diverted the lies that you have heard about your demise, as being false.
Namely, that you knew going out in a thunderstorm is dangerous and ignored the warning signs.
Therefore, the last two lines are to be taken literally. I do believe that the epitaph is a good one, provided one has knowledge
of the local dialect, but it may be a bit obtuse for others. [gurt] - a channel to divert water or liquid from a wall or embankment/drift of snow or sand. ~ Geez.
.

Alex Tanner

Isle of Wight Dialect Gurt = Great, Big, hence Bighead or Know all. So much in my book of Isle of Wight dialect published in 1886. Many of the words still in use, really used to throw my wife when I used them. There will be a few in my next offering, A Ghostly Tale or it may end up as a Ghastly Tale. Anyway, thanks for your interest Geezer, always pleased to get them, and to read your work. Alex.

Geezer

I guess that my assessment of the whole thing was essentially correct! LoL
A big head know it all, huh? I'll have to keep that one in my vocabulary box, and if someone uses it on me, I'll know...
Not that I haven't been called that in so many words. ~ Geez.
.

Geezer

to know that the AI isn't infallible, makes it a little bit more likable!
It would take a lot of money to make an AI that is completely versed in poetry, and not half so much fun!
~ Geez.
.

Lavender

Hi, Alex,
Very clever! Gurt 'ead and all! (I picture a golf course involved here...)
L