RIVER NILE
The Negroes speak of a river,
Where iniquity dwells, begetting guiltiness,
To be washed afloat, offshore
Into the waiting hands of judgement.
River Nile, spattering on woe's couch,
Weak parades, hopping trinkets of doom,
Flare for famine, imagining nothing new.
Where nothing lives, love worsens.
River Nile, eerie, foes vile mile,
Stretching wide wings of blood before dawn
Painful temblor, gushing towards the riverbank
Accompanied by forceful torrents,
To awake, arouse prowling mummies.
River Nile, to whom shall thou give drink,
When your limbs stink to stupor,
Filthy festivals, flagging foolishness,
In vain your tides roll.
Oh River Nile, to whom shall thou give suck,
To heal off these heavy burdens ,
Alas, let your toponym atone for mercy,
While your waters drown in tears.
©SHEDS
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "River Nile" by SHEDS is a haunting and vivid portrayal of the river that holds both historical and cultural significance. The use of powerful and descriptive language creates an atmosphere of foreboding and despair. The poem speaks of the river as a place of iniquity and guilt, where love worsens and nothing new can grow. The imagery of the river's "vile mile" and "stretching wide wings of blood" adds to the eerie and unsettling tone.
One suggested line edit would be to change "The Negroes speak of a river" to "The people speak of a river." While the term "Negroes" may have been historically accurate, it can be seen as outdated and potentially offensive. Changing it to "people" would be more inclusive and modern.
Overall, "River Nile" is a powerful and evocative poem that captures the dark and mysterious nature of the river. The use of language and imagery is effective in creating a sense of unease and uneasiness.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I'd appreciate the review
I'd appreciate the review
Thanks for the review Max
Thanks for the review Max
I'd think I should remove that copyright symbol.
And yeah, there are some kind of legal issues here
Negroes as used by me in the poem is trying to portray a particular race, not just any set of people. Connotatively, it relays to the reader's consciousness a set of people drowning in sorrow, fear , lack and hopelessness. They are the citizens of the River Nile telling their tales
and counting their losses