scribbler
Apr 29, 2023

PAIN

Pain

The familiar pain arrived today
as the years pile up on me;
the loss of those I tossed away
who became too close to me.

Until now I'm all alone
as my life reaches its end
like a final break of bone
or the loss of a best friend.

All the things I once held dear
now lie worthless before me
and my lifetimes' greatest fear
is laid bare for all to see.

For nobody shares this trail,
those who did now left behind.
In what way did they fail?
They were all too kind .

Any riches I've accrued
leave me hollow, without worth
I have become hostile and crude
no longer capable of mirth.

So I sit at this table
piled with a tasteless feast
hoping soon I will be able
to seek forgiveness at least.........

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Pain" is a poignant portrayal of the loneliness and desolation that comes with old age. Through vivid imagery and a somber tone, the poet conveys the burden of accumulated regrets and missed opportunities. The central theme of the poem is the sense of isolation that comes with aging, as one's loved ones and companions pass away or drift apart. The poem is structured in four quatrains, with each stanza building on the previous one to create a sense of inevitability and despair.

The language of the poem is simple and direct, but also evocative and powerful. The use of metaphors such as "the loss of those I tossed away" and "a final break of bone" effectively conveys the sense of irreparable damage and loss. The repetition of the phrase "all alone" in the second stanza emphasizes the speaker's isolation and vulnerability. The contrast between the "worthless" things that the speaker once held dear and the "tasteless feast" that they are now left with is a powerful symbol of the emptiness and futility of their existence.

One suggested line edit for the poem would be to replace "life times'" with "lifetime's" in the fourth stanza for grammatical correctness.

Overall, "Pain" is a moving and thought-provoking poem that captures the essence of the human condition in a clear and concise manner. The poet's use of imagery and language is effective in conveying the sense of isolation and despair that comes with old age, and the poem leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

I am not truly convinced of the writer's character references, I appreciate the form and meter without a doubt! I do believe you have been practicing your meter in anticipation of entering a contest and winning. If I have seen better from you, I can't remember when. A very readable and enjoyable piece from you. Nice job! ~ Geez.
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Lavender

Hi, Stan,
A deep, reflective piece, So melancholy, but honest. Really like this, maybe because I can relate a bit too easily.
L

S

I hope you can't relate to this too closely lol. Appreciate your dropping by

S

I hope you don't relate Too closely lol. Thanks for the visit

Ruby Lord

I liked this one a lot. An allegorical tale of a rich man/woman left to face their end alone with a clear moral message. The rhyme was good and flow was done well. If you could drop a couple of metaphors in there, it would raise your poem singnificantly. Well done, really enjoyable poem, Ruby :)

Candlewitch

an excellent piece this is... it reminds me that in the end, we are all alone with our memories. hopefully they are good... very well done!

*love, Cat