I lost my shoes the other day
while visiting a church to pray
for our lost souls, now gone astray,
or sailed adrift along the way.
The last time that I saw my shoes
was while I roamed between the pews
searching for minds that won't refuse
to listen to real thoughts and views
about the state the world is in
about true love, and waging sin
wondering how blind eyes have been
watching yet another war begin.
But there were no minds to be found.
I know, because I looked around.
They showed no face, they made no sound,
just hid below, remaining bound
to live under the empty pews
with little to think, and less to choose,
and there, with one last thing to lose,
I lost my faith, but found my shoes.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem presents a poignant commentary on the state of spirituality in modern society. The speaker's search for open-minded individuals in a church setting highlights the lack of engagement and critical thinking present in many religious communities. The use of rhyme and repetition throughout the poem effectively emphasizes the speaker's frustration and disappointment with the status quo.
One suggested line edit would be to change "to remain bound" to "remaining bound" in the sixth stanza to maintain consistent verb tense.
Overall, this poem effectively communicates a sense of disillusionment with organized religion and encourages readers to consider the importance of independent thought and questioning in matters of faith.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Hello, AI Team,
Wow! Spot on! I will gratefully use your suggestion, too.
Thank you!
L
My only...
point of critique, is that I think you need a comma between the words: "Just hid below[,] remaining bound". That will give it the proper emphasis. An intriguing idea, to go to church and find discerning minds, ones that should be able to give opinions; yet finding none. Losing your shoes in church, I thought maybe that someone had moved them to joke with you. Oh, one other point, in the first line last stanza, maybe use [underneath]? [The rhythm seems to need it]. ~ Geez.
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Hello, Geezer,
The last line of the poem came to me several months ago. There seemed to be a bit of irony to it, and it finally found its place in this poem. I see where I need to insert the comma - thank you! I'll think over changing under to underneath - I agree the rhythm is off in the last stanza. Hmm...it feels like it's actually the second line that's not flowing well. Thank you for reading and helping with this! I appreciate the generous time you always give!
L
This
is a powerful write for a lot of reasons. I am not an overly religious person, even though I have my beliefs, but feel a loss of faith due to the state of the world, society and people in general. Well done!
Hi, Carrie!
How are you? So that final line kinda rented a space in my mind for a long time, and the poem took shape around it. I am not confident with organized religion after all these years, but I truly am not without faith toward mankind either, as the poem may suggest. I just try to question more and more about the relationship religion vs. faith have with one another.
Thank you for reading and sharing!
L
empty pews
Love the rhyme. The loss of faith is such a sad thing. I lost my faith in the church long ago, but mercifully I kept my faith in Christ. This poem reminds me of Matthew Arnold's, Dover Beach. "The Sea of Faith was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore...but now I only hear Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar, retreating..." This echoed the 19th Century's loss of faith. Is that what you are saying in your poem? Oh, Good use of enjambment, as well as rhyme.
Hello!
I don't know if I've ever written a poem based on a last line before, but I did with this one, without knowing what its theme was going to be. The line just stayed with me for a very long time and eventually gave birth to this. I do feel the irony in it - that what we are searching for may not be found within any organized religion, and what we do find there may not hold genuine value, maybe like an old shoe. Matthew Arnold's influential "Dover Beach" focuses on that a bit, but it contains much deeper sadness and disenchantment with mankind. I think my simple little poem just feels the irony in an almost sarcastic manner. Maybe I shouldn't have posted it until I was certain how it spoke to me. Anyhoo...I thank you for reading so intently! You've given me much to think about.
L
Dearest L
With the passing of time, with the world changing as it is. Simple faith is being lost to insanity. Whatever faith you follow I've always believed that to live with love & hope in your heart isn't a bad thing. As Dr's say "Do no harm". If it harms no one having faith and being open to new ideas. Truly open can never be a bad thing. I could go on but I want you to know that I absolutely love this poem. You're writing is an honour to read to be with you all is a blessing. Congratulations on a superb write.
Much love
Jayne x
Hello, Dear Jayne!
So wonderfully said, and this shows in your poetry and presence. Missed you and glad to see you back!
Much love,
Lx