KINGZOMBIE

Feb 27, 2011

"Nature Weeps for it's Wicked"

An infant’s dream possessed by darkness.
Taste its newborn scars.
Lost, with a future gone before birth.
Clandestine memories shattered
in the blink of blinding eyes.

Savage welts blister, upon the foul angels skin.
Broken wings celebrate the dark insurrection
into a glorious destruction.
Dissolved visions plan a vengeance
unbeknown to the victim.

A silver moon sits atop the world
as tadpoles race to their doom.
Creeping fantasies buried
under the secret corners
of her virginal mind’s eye.

Glamorous women dance the metal pole
as selfish creatures bleed sweat
from instincts long ago forgotten.
The bull god appears from mystic mountains
amidst nature’s reservations.

Insects crawl deeper into the subconscious
of melted mushrooms.
Plants of all species dance to unheard melodies.
A demon’s kiss suffers the abuse
of years of whispered yet unspoken tales.

The leaves tremble while hornets lay their eggs
between rusted emotion
of endless fathomless indiscretion.
Sorrowed children alone in the desert
drinking sand from webbed-claws grasping for infamy.
Nature weeps for it’s wicked,
we are all truly alone.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I was experimenting with this, there is a deeper meaning under the imagery.I also was trying to be more subtle with my writing, I feel that I normally write with a sledge hammer to the readers head get my point across.If you as a reader give up with what this is actually about just message me and I will say, just so you can keep it to yourself, lol.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Favorite Poets: I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also

Comments

i would like that

I agree with your thought about putting it in stanzas, I actually have another one similar to this one too.so any help I get from this will help with that one.thank you very much, i'm glad you liked it:-)

Thank you so much

This was very helpful, I still find myself wondering if anyone knows what its about though, lol.Thanks again, this is why neopoet is a place of greatness:-)

Experiments?

Was this an experiment in abstraction, because there
are maybe two teeth sinking images in this, the rest are
abstract (at least that's what I saw) ... but let others see
what they think, I'm only one man and I'm no expert ...

Richard

Sort of

I was playing with abstract imagery in this, it was intended to be that way.I like the thought of the different ideas and opinions about what I am writing about.It is actually about something and is relevant, but I like to see what others get out of it, if anything at all.I also enjoy using my imagination and like flexing it sometimes.I'm not sure if you liked it, but I hope at the very least it made you think.Thanks for commenting.

Abstractions ...

I used to write in all abstractions, I thought the more abstract
it was the more flavorful it was ... but really it's not. When you
float too far away from reality, it becomes fantasy ... and if that
is what you are shooting for, it is fine, but if you want to give your
poetry a reality check, it's best to not stray too far into the abstract
world. Recently Anna posted a great blog, I'm going to share the
link here, read it when you've the time to grasp it's layers.

http://new.neopoet.com/kailashana/blog/930-am-16-feb-2011

Richard

Dear KZ,

The leaves tremble while hornets lay their eggs between rusted emotion and fathomless indiscretion.Angry children alone in the desert drinking sand from webbed claws grasping for infamy.Nature weeps for its wicked, we are all truly alone.

Very abstract and I love it! Kind of like an acid trip! I really like Rosi's suggestions, too.

always, Cat

Thanks Cat

I'm glad that you liked it, it is pretty trippy isn't it, lol.I liked Rosi's suggestions also, and have incorporated them:-)

Thank You

I thought your suggestions were spot on, and that makes you an expert in my book.Thanks again Rosina:-)

lol, i missed it

but it's fixed now, lol.Thanks Rosi:-)

I read this in the original, and

in stanzas, and it has far more impact in the latter.
What I get out of this is difficult to convey. I feel the savagery of nature, the ammorality of unfettered instinct, and the weight of realization that it all goes on in spite of anything we might do to change it.
I might also say that I find more levels of meaning and evocative imagery with each read.
The only criticism I have is that the piece seems a little generalized, to me, as if it needs more direction, more focus on a particular line of thought, particularly leading up to the last two lines, which have very good impact.

I enjoy this very much, and have not finished taking it in.

Thank you

I agree with you, I like it in stanzas too.It is a bit generalized but this is done on purpose to make the reader think, it does follow a certain order and makes complete sense once figured out.I'm very happy that you have enjoyed this and are still taking it in.

HI

can't be improved , loved it

lou

Thanks Lou

Rosi helped me quite a bit with stanzas, and I'm still playing with a word here and there, but I think its finally done now.Thanks Lou, I'm glad you loved it.