scribbler
May 04, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week Contest April 30th To May 6th 2023

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HESITANT

I stand and stare, just stand and stare
now that I've finally gotten here.
I almost see what's over there
yet I hesitate to squint and peer.

So many years to reach this place
and here I am at last.
I feel as if I've run a race
and that I came in last.

The bridge seems it is mocking me
daring me to walk its length.
Perhaps I would if I could see
Yet blindness gives me little strength..

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Hesitant" is a short and simple reflection on the speaker's feelings upon arriving at a destination they have been striving towards. The use of repetition in the first stanza effectively conveys the speaker's hesitation and uncertainty. The following stanzas express a sense of disappointment and frustration, with the speaker feeling as though they have come in last and are being mocked by the bridge. The final line about the speaker's blindness adds an additional layer of complexity to the poem.

One suggested line edit would be to change "Yes blindness" to "Yet blindness" in the final stanza. This change would create a stronger sense of contrast between the speaker's physical limitation and their desire to overcome it.

Overall, "Hesitant" is a solid poem with a clear and relatable theme. However, the poem could benefit from more vivid language and imagery to help bring the reader into the speaker's perspective and emotions. Additionally, the poem could benefit from a stronger sense of structure or form to help guide the reader through the speaker's journey.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

S

The AI caught a misspell and pointed out the weaknesses I was already aware of. Most of these were the result of attempting to keep this under 80 words in an exercise in brevity

Triskelion

S2L4... if you replace "that I" with "sorely" ( or like word) it flows better.

Cheers!

Thomas

Lavender

Hi, Stan,
A clever, wonderful poem. Brief, yet full of thought. I liked everything about this.
L

Unca Fez

I really like the way the poem describes the feelings associated with almost achieving a long sought goal and, just before the goal is achieved, the goal seeker starts to question the goal, itself. The line, "and that I came in last" implies that maybe this isn't the goal that was really wanted.

Good job.

Candlewitch

please ignore AI. I like everything about this poem. from the title to the transfer of thought to ending outcome. I like that it ends with a question of goal. sometimes the journey is everything, and the ending goal is secondary. thank you for sharing this with us. I appreciate you.

*love, Cat