Moonlight echoes sorrowfully
Throughout an endless night
Shooting stars streak across a melancholy sky
Weeping an endless trail of glittery tears
The trees bend in silent submission
As the weight of their branches
Are more than what they can bear
Yet they remain steadfast in their purpose
Her heart, heavy like the trees
Beats a little slower than before
Her eyes wet with feelings
She never meant to feel
Looking upward, seeking answers
Memories overtake her
Flooding her mind with what could've been
A little too late, another time, another place
She screamed into the void
As her whole body shook
Letting go was the hardest part
Why Can't It Be Me?
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Why Can't It Be Me" is a melancholic and reflective piece that captures the sadness of unfulfilled desires and missed opportunities. The use of vivid imagery, such as moonlight, shooting stars, and weeping tears, creates a somber and dreamlike atmosphere that draws the reader into the speaker's emotions.
The personification of the trees as bending in silent submission, yet remaining steadfast in their purpose, is an effective metaphor for the speaker's own struggle with trying to cope with her heavy heart. The repetition of the phrase "a little too late, another time, another place" emphasizes the regret and longing that the speaker feels, as she looks back on what could have been.
The final line, "Why Can't It Be Me?", is a poignant and powerful conclusion that encapsulates the central theme of the poem. It is a universal question that many readers can relate to, as they too have experienced the pain of unrequited love or missed opportunities.
One suggested line edit would be to change "bare" to "bear" in the second stanza to improve the grammar and flow of the poem.
Overall, "Why Can't It Be Me" is a well-crafted and emotionally resonant poem that captures the essence of unfulfilled desires and the pain of missed opportunities.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Very Nice!
I really liked the last two lines of the first verse. Beautiful imagery.
I can remember times before I met Cat that I felt exactly that way. (Of course, the 40+ years in between have considerably softened those feelings.)
Thank you Steve
You and Cat have such an incredible love for each other! Maybe someday I will have good fortune in that area too
dear Carrie,
I wish it for you with all of my heart. you deserve all of the best. I had given up hope of ever having that kind of relationship. I just graduated from Northwestern Electronics Institute with an associates degree. I was about to join the Air Force in hopes of continuing my education while serving my country, when I met Steven! we spent a weekend with him talking me out of it. my biggest problem was who to leave my cat; Gonzo and my motorcycle. he continued to talk me out of for the next week and I never left...
*love & hugs, Cat
I love stories
Like that!! A happy ending for all! Thank you for reading and for sharing.