what color means to life
where mono chromatic light
is non prismatic?
the angle of incidence
co relates with refraction
Jun 17, 2018
Inference? [Tanka]
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hey raj
I am not sure if you check Neopoet anymore, but I wanted to have a look at your writing now that I'm back.
I really like tanka, more than haiku and senryu. That little extra bit of two lines makes a big difference for me (for getting an idea across) and I like the asymmetry it creates to contrast those traditionally symmetrical 5-7-5s of haiku/senryu.
In this one, is your question mark in the title because you weren't sure about using that title, or are you trying to ask a question (what is inference? is this inference? or something like that)?
I see your use of spacing and playing with words (co relates, non prismatic, and mono chromatic) as a unique way to approach the syllabic style of these Eastern structured poems. I really enjoy that. It's playful and ensures that the reader is savoring that syllable and stressing/enunciating it the way you intend. co relates specifically makes the reader recognize and consider what correlate means/the word it comes from in a way that I really appreciate now that I've studied linguistics. I hope other word lovers here will feel the same.
If I could make any suggestion, it would be for you to consider adding one additional puncuation mark to help with the flow of the first stanza, a colon on the first line:
what color means to life:
This addition will help readers have the right inflection on this line and not mistake it for an oddly-phrased question like "what color means to life?"
Take care,
Kelsey
Hi Raj
Just dropped by to say it's good to see you around again