The Void

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Void" tells a story of pain and despair, with vivid imagery that captures the reader's attention. The use of broken glass as a metaphor for hopelessness is effective, as it creates a sense of danger and fragility. The line "Wishes etched in bloody ruefulness" is particularly strong, as it gives a sense of desperation and loss.

The theme of buried memories that haunt the speaker is also well-developed, as the jagged memories are described as piercing the essence of what could have been. This creates a sense of regret and missed opportunities.

The use of the term "Messiah Complex" is a bit jarring, as it seems out of place in the context of the poem. The term implies a delusional belief in one's own importance, which doesn't seem to fit with the speaker's sense of despair and hopelessness. A possible line edit could be to replace "Messiah Complex" with "false hope," which would better align with the overall tone of the poem.

The final stanza, with its depiction of globules of red dripping to the floor, is a powerful image that evokes a sense of finality and closure. The use of the phrase "One emotion at a time" is effective in conveying the idea that the speaker is letting go of their pain and sadness.

Overall, "The Void" is a well-crafted poem that effectively captures the sense of despair and loss. With a few minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I’ve one suggestion. Lose the ‘But” it’s not necessary and it’s a dull word to start off a line with. I don’t think it needs replacing, I’d say just lose it.

Honestly I’m very impressed so let’s really get into it.

First stanza, I see a broken window, lace curtains gray and drab. Great alliteration. Etched is a glaziers term so more glass; and the regret is almost sickly comical.

Stanza two is almost like a continuation of stanza one. Jagged, glass, pierced, regret.

Three is it. Lose that “but”. Theses four lines. Holy shit. You’re really honest and extremely vulnerable here. Another well placed alliterative device which is also an amazing use of terminology. Then another example of alliteration circus, cyclical. Spun, circus, cyclical. Three round words. Three rings in a circus…an (inescapable) one. Change that I think. Is unescapable a word??

The last stanza is the dark twist Rose Black treatment. Great metaphor for feelings and bloodletting.

This really really good
Tim

I would try a little something different with the third stanza
and say:
"His ignorant attachment
Masked as a Messiah Complex"

~ Geez.
.

Test