Jackweb
Jackweb
Apr 24, 2023

THE POINTED PREY

I live in
the summer
house of
emotion,
trapped
in the
ocean
of silence.
travail of
thoughts
piercing
through
me like
arrows;
I'm now
the
pointed
prey,
pounced
in a moment!

but
notwithstanding,
these dark clouds
that has been
spiralling
as a wisp
of smoke
shall come
to a halt.

I'm a living
legend,
I fear not
life's
fiery darts

i may be
punctured,
but my
optimism
is my
breath
of life.

© Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The Pointed Prey is a poem that explores the inner turmoil of the speaker, who finds themselves trapped in a summer house of emotions and surrounded by the ocean of silence. The imagery used in the poem is powerful, with the travail of thoughts piercing through the speaker like arrows, making them the pointed prey that is pounced on in a moment.

However, the poem does have some areas that could be improved. One suggested line edit would be to change "I fear not the fiery darts of life" to "I fear not life's fiery darts". This change would make the line flow better and sound more natural.

Overall, the poem is a strong portrayal of the inner struggles that many people face. The use of metaphors and imagery effectively conveys the speaker's emotions, and the message of resilience and optimism is inspiring. With a minor line edit, this poem could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

the AI's comment! A fine piece of work! I feel like this every so often... like I'm being tried by everything that life can throw at me. But we will keep coming back and dodging those fiery darts until the way is clear again. Nicest piece I've seen from you in a while. Great piece written in a way that makes one feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

Hello, Jackweb,
Strong poetry. I sense this is not only referring to your personal feelings, but also what is going on outside your door. I agree, one of the best pieces you've posted, and you've posted quite a few. "I live in the summer house of emotion..." Great opening line - I paused and knew this was going to be compelling.
Thank you!
L