Sarah.

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Sarah" captures a sense of youthful rebellion and constraint through vivid imagery. The use of color, such as "palette of grey" and "snowflake in white," adds depth to the visual representation of the speaker's experiences. The metaphor of "young wolves" being bound is particularly striking, as it suggests a sense of danger and wildness being tamed.

One potential issue with the poem is that it feels somewhat disjointed. The lines don't flow seamlessly from one to the next, which can make it harder for the reader to fully connect with the piece. Additionally, the final two lines feel somewhat abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the stanza.

One possible line edit that could improve the flow of the poem could be changing "unto" to "until" in the line "We manacled the sun unto the day." This would make the line feel more natural and less archaic, which would help the poem feel more contemporary and accessible.

Overall, "Sarah" is a strong piece that captures a sense of youthful rebellion and constraint through vivid imagery. With a few minor tweaks to the wording and structure, this poem could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Great poem, Obi. The comment from AI doesn't sound true to me. Disjointed, it reads perfect to me and that's with an accent :) ha ha.
Not up to your usual standards in terms of subject matter and filthy language, but still a great poem to be enjoyed.

I love that you used the colors to define the subjects. It made them stand out, as the images are inextricably tied to those colors. I felt the strain of keeping the perception of your own from colliding with conventional images. ~ Geez.
.

.... mine and myself were gods of creation. You have pricked a fenced reflection. Fucker!

Thomas

Hi, Obi,
I agree with Ruby. This is perfect the way it is. Memorable days.
L