Slow Occurrence

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "Slow Occurrence," depicts a bleak and despairing mood, with the speaker overwhelmed by the negative sensations and emotions surrounding them. The use of vivid sensory details, such as the "loud evil sound" and the "wet from the rain," effectively convey the speaker's heightened state of awareness. The line, "I can see the lies lying in her eyes," is particularly striking, hinting at a personal betrayal or loss that has contributed to the speaker's despair.

However, some of the phrasing and imagery in the poem come across as somewhat clichéd, such as the reference to "the fire from the pit" and the line "A fire can start from just a spark." Additionally, the final line, "Until there is no more left of me," feels somewhat abrupt and unsatisfying as a conclusion.

One possible line edit could be to replace the phrase "the fire from the pit" with a more specific description, as this could help to ground the imagery in a more concrete reality. For example, "the flickering flames of hell" could be one option to consider. Additionally, the final line could be reworked to provide a more conclusive resolution to the poem's themes. A possible alternative could be: "Until the darkness takes me whole, and I am finally freed."

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I enjoyed your poem, and I think the AI got most of it right but it doesn't seem to understand rythm and rhyme very much and I also think it can't formulate poetry. So while it's good for some parts it doesn't always make sense.

A good poem with great rhyming of a heart felt subject.

the use of rhyme and near-rhyme, even though the AI thinks that some lines should be changed to make them smoother, the lines would not rhyme and it would destroy the integrity of them. ~ Geezer.
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Your poetry is so unique, in such a wonderful way. You manage to choose the most precise language and words in the most efficient way, and create powerful meaning and substance in your poems. This is well done.
L