Teeter-totter Memories (rewrite)

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Teeter-totter Memories" is a charming piece that captures the joy and freedom of childhood play. The opening lines immediately transport the reader to a playground, where two friends, Tommy and the speaker, are getting ready to ride the teeter-totter. The imagery of "catching some air" and "feeling like eagles" perfectly captures the thrill of the experience.

The use of color in the final stanza is particularly effective, with Tommy's ascent into the "cerulean clouds of laughter" painting a vivid picture of his sheer delight. The poem also has a nice sense of rhythm, with the short lines mimicking the up-and-down motion of the teeter-totter itself.

One suggestion for line editing would be to tweak the phrasing of the second stanza. As it stands, the line "squatting, his legs under him" feels a bit awkward and could benefit from a rewording to flow more smoothly. Perhaps something like "Crouching down, legs poised to push" would maintain the imagery while improving the overall flow.

Overall, "Teeter-totter Memories" is a delightful poem that evokes the simple pleasures of childhood. Its vivid imagery and strong sense of rhythm make it a standout piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

The poem captures the freedom felt when playing on a playground: "feeling like eagles". What a great memory. What seems to be missing is the author's response to Tommy's actions. The ending seems to come too early.

I like it, though. You continue to surprise me after 40+ years reading your poetry.

Love,
Steve

Your style is very alluring to me. Obviously certain poems are composed with a certain ambiguity for the reader to make assumptions or to lead the reader into thought or reflection over some subject where they’ll have freewill over the meaning. In other words it’ll mean something different to every reader because it entices inward projection.

This isn’t that, but… I’m still left with the feeling that I’ve just read some important underlying secret that I used to know but I forgot. We know exactly what’s going on here in the poem but you’re not really writing about a see saw here you’re writing about hiraeth.

Tim

Of childhood and freedom...brings back memories...well done

Hi, Cat,
Another sweet, endearing poem taking me back to childhood memories. Yes, now is all there is. Pure joy!
Lx
(I'm really glad that Bad-Boy Bully-Billy barreling in his boots wasn't around THIS time...)