One of those nights.
Fear has me in handcuffs.
It's telling me my Miranda rights.
Logic Is yelling stay calm.
It reminds me.
Of the pen in my palm.
The thoughts that persuade.
Something says.
Don't let them invade.
The spectators.
All the thoughts.
That keep talking.
They Sarcastically say.
Dead man walking.
Hope is my attorney.
Into a strong man.
Even if it kills him.
He will turn me.
As they walk me into the precinct.
Looking Less than decent.
A smile appears on my face.
It will never solve this case.
Every night I find the way.
For fear’s minions
To be called away.
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "One of Those Nights" captures the feeling of fear and anxiety that can grip us in the midst of difficult situations. The use of handcuffs and Miranda rights creates a sense of being trapped and powerless, while the voice of logic offers a glimmer of hope in the form of a pen in the protagonist's hand.
The line "The thoughts that persuade" feels a bit vague and could benefit from more specificity. It's not clear what kind of thoughts are being referred to here. However, the following line "Don't let them invade" offers a clear injunction to resist negative thoughts and feelings.
The use of "spectators" to describe the thoughts that keep talking is an interesting choice, as it suggests a kind of detachment from these mental processes. The sarcastic line "Dead man walking" adds a touch of dark humor to the poem, which helps to lighten the mood somewhat.
The introduction of the character of Hope as the protagonist's attorney is a nice touch, and adds a note of optimism to the poem. The line "Even if it kills him/He will turn me" is a powerful affirmation of the resilience that can come from having hope.
The final stanza offers a sense of resolution, as the protagonist finds a way to banish fear's minions and move forward. The poem ends on a hopeful note, suggesting that even in moments of darkness, there is always a way forward.
One suggested line edit:
In the line "It will never solve this case", consider changing "this" to "the" for a smoother flow.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
All this...
and more! This suggests to me, that there is such a slow coming to resolution. The mind is becoming inured to the thought of failure and maybe even with a false sense of security, that love conquers all. Carefully, the case is being built, but the prosecutor, is befuddled by the lack of evidence. I would say: ["They] will never solve this case." Is there a reason for the word [sarcastically] being capitalized? ~ Geez.
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One Of Those Nights
Hello, Paul,
I think the AI has a good grasp on this one. The feel of anxiety is cleverly described throughout. I agree with the suggestion regarding "It will never solve the case" but I am not certain what "It" is - seems it is perhaps referring to "the smile that appears on my face". A nice strong final stanza and ending offering resolve and hope.
Thank you!
L
thank you
gee and lavender for your feedback.
Hi paul
your poem shows that the direction in which poetry is going is pretty close to what i Think is slowly happening