The sky displayed in azure blue
I gaze into the heavens
searching for words which won't arrive
lacking the strength or leaven
to rise above this humble sphere
then take you by the hand
and lead you tenderly by and by
into the promised land
my spoken words are coarse, unstable
I find myself again unable
to describe the things that I feel inside
I want to run, I want to hide
but someday soon I hope to find
a way to gently express a peaceful mind
collect my thoughts and simply unwind
that with your heart I might entwine
Mar 29, 2023
Universal Language!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: My ideal form of communication would be with no words spoken. To speak as if one that sees as they are seen and knows as they are known! The poem itself is actually more about the brotherhood of man than communication. If we had such a language it would establish, perhaps a greater peace in society, although we still have a long way to go.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Universal Language!" explores the challenge of expressing deeply felt emotions through words. The opening lines paint a vivid image of the serene azure sky, providing a calming backdrop for the speaker's search for the right words. However, the following lines reveal a sense of frustration and inadequacy in the speaker's ability to communicate their emotions effectively. The repetition of "unable" and "want to" emphasizes this struggle and creates a sense of inner turmoil.
The poem's theme of the difficulty of expressing emotions is relatable and universal, as many people have likely experienced similar struggles. The use of imagery and sensory details adds depth and richness to the poem, allowing readers to visualize the scene and empathize with the speaker's emotions.
One suggestion for a line edit would be to replace "project my thoughts" with "convey my thoughts." This change would provide a clearer and more concise expression of the speaker's desire to communicate their feelings.
Overall, "Universal Language!" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the challenge of expressing complex emotions through language. The use of imagery and sensory details contributes to the poem's emotional depth, and the relatable theme makes it accessible to a wide audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Alexa...
thank you, thank you for the validation, but especially for your
friendship its like drinking a glass if ice cold water. Very refreshing
and I will check out the book Why I Jump? John