I said my prayers upon my knees a long, long time ago,
I’d genuflect and cross myself and let him take me so.
And when I felt I was at peace, I’d look upon his glory,
So I could know him lovingly and live within his story.
Inside church walls devotion used and there to give me lesson.
And learn the ways of the lord and accept I’m his possession.
Through all my life I said the words with duty and compliance,
Accepting God for all his good, yet still ignoring science.
Stained glass windows catch my eye on a Sunday evening,
I understood I was blessed, a servant of believing.
But other kids they were deprived, and didn’t follow scripture,
And in those years, I learnt quite fast, they knew a different picture.
This carried on ‘til I matured and my hair was turning grey,
And I wonder how they seized me until this furthest day.
It must have been my parent’s fault because they knew no better,
In this truth could they accept my words written in a letter?
I doubt they would because parents think, they are always right,
And if I raised my question, would this cause a greater spite?
What then, would I be praying, morning noon and night?
To argue on divinity and the hell I could invite?
But times have changed and as I read, I began to learn
The tales they told the children, tied to threats of you will burn.
And I listened to their voices, programmed by my school,
Submission served with threat, they were good at being cruel.
If I raised my hand to speak or ask a valid question,
They’d answer with a smile and say it’s time for your confession.
And now I am much older and I understand the purpose,
I doubt that they did love me but used me for their service.
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "When I Left You" explores the speaker's journey from blind faith to critical thinking. The use of religious imagery and language is effective in conveying the weight of the speaker's past beliefs and how they have come to question them. The contrast between the speaker's initial devotion and their eventual realization of the manipulative tactics used by their church is well-executed.
One suggestion for a line edit would be to change "I comprehend I am blessed for the act of my believing" to "I once believed I was blessed for the act of my believing." This adjustment would make it clearer that the speaker no longer holds this belief, and it would strengthen the contrast between their past and present perspectives.
Overall, "When I Left You" is a thought-provoking poem that delves into the complexities of faith and how it can be used to control and manipulate. The language is evocative and the message is clear, making it a powerful piece of writing.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I Left Too
Although I was not raised in Catholicism, I grew up in a community that was 90% Catholic. My parents belonged to a Baptist church, so I got an evangelical indoctrination, which included going to bible camp in the summer. I can remember the late night discussions during Boy Scout camp outs regarding who was right. I was a good little Christian soldier. However, I began questioning it all in college. Eventually, I came to the same conclusion as you did. It is simply a means of control. It's a hard lesson to learn that the people who loved you also brainwashed you. Your poem evokes the feelings that are each part of the journey. Well done.
I Left Too
Thank you for your comments and sharing your experience. It's true I was late to question and accepted everything in blind faith. Your response pleased me and while I was initially nervous about posting the poem, I recognise I shouldn't be. The influence imposed on me was quite harsh. From catholic school when I was 5 and throughout my formative years. Maybe that was why it took me so long to question religion? :) Thank you again x
When I left You
Thank you for your thoughtful poem that was well written. Most of all, thank you for having the courage to say in poem what many of have learned when we allowed ourselves to think beyond our youthful teachings.
As you have commented, the poem is not for everybody, but everybody can learn to appreciate other's point of view, even if they choose to disagree.
I for one believe organized religion is a load of (*%&#$) although I respect those who choose to believe otherwise.
When I left you
Thank you William, I really appreciate your comments and reading my poem. I know what you mean about thinking beyond our youthful "teachings."
I feel more relaxed since I've accepted it was indoctrination and I'm free ha ha.
Thank you again, your comments are much appreciated.
A great piece...
that shows a very good grasp of rhyme and near-rhyme, the rhythm and pace are brilliant with one exception being the word [bright] in the line:
"Stained glass windows catch my eye on bright Sunday evening". I think that you could dispense with the [bright] and replace it with an [a]. This would make for a smoother line. I will not debate the question of organized religion and beliefs here, other than to say; "Walls and candles, stained glass windows and singing hymns, do not make a church or prayers more valid.
~ Geezer.
.
When I left you
Thank you Geezer, your input as ever is always appreciated. I can see it now, and I'll amend my copy but leave it as it is on here.
I much appreciate your feedback, Ruby x
I simply must ask...
why not amend the line on this page too? ~ Geezer.
.
I think because it feels like
I think because it feels like I'm cheating if I correct it on here. :)
No, no, and no!...
That is what we are here for. When the change is made in personal, but not on site, we feel that the advice and comments have been ignored. ~ Geezer.
.
When I left you
Good point, I've made the change. Thank you again, I see the error of my ways :)
Well done
Impressive rhythm and rhyming throughout as Geezer pointed out. I think you’ve got a handle on the mechanics of poetry and a good vocabulary and expressive style.
I was a compelled catholic. What a circus. My mother insisted on mass and catechism and confirmation. I wore pentagram laden Slayer t-shirts with like ritual sacrifices on mountains of skulls in teenage protest. Their indoctrination really damaged my self esteem and I’m still in therapy over some of it today 30 years later. One thing I liked about church was the organ and it comes through in my recordings as I use a lot of Hammond B3 sounds.
Nice job
Tim
When I left you
Thank you, yes, religion is like war, a means to hold us in our place.
For me it's been a gradual release but it wasn't until about ten years ago that I read more on the Romans and their interpretation of the RC religion. It was enough to set me free.
I hope you manage to break free too, keep up the good work.
Thank you, it's very kind of you to comment I appreciate it, Ruby :) x