Sleep was erratic
for those of my kind
escaping psychosis
and the turbulent mind
taking a path
down long endless hallways
the street of dreams
and its infinite byways
searching for something
there in the night
hoping to finish
this worrisome flight!
Mar 28, 2023
Street of Dreams
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is the best shot I could take about the way that I feel.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Overall, "Street of Dreams" is a poignant and evocative poem that captures the experience of living with mental illness. The use of rhyme and repetition creates a sense of unease and restlessness, which effectively conveys the inner turmoil of the speaker. The image of the "street of dreams" is particularly powerful, as it suggests both a place of possibility and a place of danger. The final line, "hoping to finish this worrisome flight," conveys a sense of exhaustion and desperation.
One possible line edit could be to change "petulant mind" to "turbulent mind," which would create a stronger sense of chaos and instability. Additionally, while the repetition of "street of dreams" is effective, it might be interesting to explore different ways of describing this elusive and treacherous place.
Overall, "Street of Dreams" is a well-crafted poem that effectively captures the experience of grappling with mental illness.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Street of Dreams!
This is another on mental illness awareness, if you can relate to it I am sorry,
but if you learn from it that is great. Its something I have always feared, but unfortunately
I am experiencing it to a certain extent now.
John
As someone who is familiar with the struggles of others who battle mental illness and who battles their own demons from time to time...I am sorry you are experiencing this. Your poems are informational and honest. Spreading awareness is the only way to end stigma and encourage those who are in need to seek help in a supportive environment. Well done.
Thank you for your kind words
it is very refreshing to receive these kinds of comments. thank you again Rose!
it is refreshing to receive these kinds of comments. thank you again.