Screams

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Screams" effectively captures the pain and longing of a person haunted by past trauma. The imagery of darkness swallowing up light, drops of blood raining down like a flood, and sharp pain dwelling within the brain create a vivid picture of the speaker's suffering. The use of repetition in the lines "Why do you haunt me? Your screams will not let me be" emphasizes the speaker's desperation to escape the memories that torment them.

However, the poem could benefit from some line edits for clarity and flow. For example, the line "Underneath the Moon, you lied" could be revised to "Under the Moon, you lied to me" to better convey the speaker's betrayal. Additionally, the line "Now me, you do ever mock" could be revised to "You continue to mock me" for a smoother flow.

Overall, "Screams" effectively conveys the pain of a haunted soul, but could benefit from some minor line edits.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I like this, it conveys the emotional carnage, felt by the author. A few touches and edits of some lines...

Screams into the night

Darkness gobbles up light

Drops of the blood - The drops of blood are the subject, and are raining down like a flood

Rain down like a flood

The sharpness of pain - Again, the pain is the subject, not the sharpness, so, [of] the pain

Dwells within my brain

Fissures in the seams

Nightmares for my dreams - Nightmares are bad dreams, so would be substituted for dreams not in them

Why do you haunt me?

Your screams will not let me be

My eyes cry each night

To your everlasting delight

Beneath the moon you lied - Beneath makes the line smoother, no need for a comma, keeps the rhyme

I'm drawn in with your tide - Making the action of drew me in like a tide, your tide

Broke my heart on your rocks

Now me, do you mock? - Revising the line keeps the rhyme and makes a better flow

Sunk like the stone, that is my heart

Your screams keep us apart

Why do you haunt me?

Your screams will not let me be

As always, the advice is how I see it, it may differ from your view; so use it, lose it or abuse it, all up to you.
~ Geezer.
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