Clentin
Mar 23, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

March 2023 Challenge In the land of chaos

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Challenge in the Land of Chaos

Eyes
That see
Death around

Ears
That hear
Silent sobs

Lips
That speak
Angry words

Hands
That make
A hard fist

Legs
That form
A planned kick

Hearts
Filled with
Hateful thoughts

We
Can change
With God’s help

Eyes
That shine
From within

Ears
That hear
Joyful sounds

Lips
That smile
With no words

Hands
That fold
In prayer

Legs
That stand
In silence

Hearts
That now
Fill with love

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Comments

neopoet

This poem captures the struggle of living in a world filled with chaos and violence. The use of body parts as a metaphor for the actions we take adds depth and complexity to the piece. The final stanza offers hope and redemption through the power of prayer and spiritual guidance.

One suggestion for a line edit would be to consider changing "A hard fist" to "Hard fists" in order to maintain the consistency of using body parts in the plural form. Additionally, the line "With God's help" could be revised to "With divine guidance" to offer a more universal appeal.

Overall, this poem offers a powerful message of transformation and resilience in the face of adversity. Well done.

C

Thank you
I tried to have each stanza have line 1 -1 syllable, line 2-2 and line 3-3?

Leslie

not much else to say. I can't critique it because I couldn't have done it better.

Hon

Hon

2 years 1 month ago

I enjoyed this poem it is simple with a moral value behind the theme. I like the simple descriptive of word usage that comes well along with the body symmetry physical gesture
comparison.it is a good matching. If you could paint a picture where this descriptive happening it brings more insightful understanding to add more memorable to your sharing. You exude with a good quality of writing through personal expression. Keep up the fabulous work.

“Eyes see death around “
“Ears hear silent sobs”
“Lips speak angry words”
“Hands fold in prayer “