NO ENTRANCE
Keep at least one metre from the rear
STAND WELL BACK FROM THE TRACK
THE TRAIN WILL NOT STOP HERE
KEEP LEFT
NO WAITING
WALK DON'T RUN
QUEUE THIS SIDE
(Don’t look into the sun.)
SCRATCH THE CARD FOUR TIMES
THEN CHECK THE CHART
FOUR BELLS FORETELLS A MILLION
(Three bells only tolls for thee)
EAT FRUIT DAILY (‘til you fart)
GET MORE ROUGHAGE
DRINK LESS WINE
TEAR ALONG THE DOTTED LINE
TAKE TWO TABLETS EVERY HOUR
(‘til the pain subsides.
Ignore the doctor at your peril
And let the pain devour.)
CHECK THE NOTICEBOARD
FOR INCLEMENT TIDES
THE RED FLAG TELLS YOU NOT TO SWIM
(Obey the rules and don’t go in
but swim like hell if you see a fin)
YOUR FORTUNE'S WRITTEN IN THE STARS
(Each star sign is never wrong)
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" IS THE SONG
(blow out the candles one by one
and make a wish before they’re gone
but year by year you’ve not too long)
THE END IS NIGH, they prophesy.
It’s tears before bedtime if you don’t comply
DROP ONE DROP INTO EACH EYE
AND POP THE PILLS
UNTIL YOU DIE.
Comments
Yeah...
along with instructions: "Do not misuse this product, it is intended for use in ears only." Do not take by mouth!"
"Suppositories are not to be ingested." and other instructions that are warnings! Caution, this product is served HOT, take precautions to avoid spilling on self. Duuuuuhhh... A funny look at the foibles of man, woman, transgender, child, bi-sexual, fluid-gender and whatever... I love it! [Well, maybe like a lot]. ~ Geezer.
.
Ready Made 3
Very clever! It is pretty mind-boggling, all the ready made instructions we are daily given. A great job in gathering so many!
Thank you,
L
Really like to hear you
Really like to hear you recite this !
Is there a site/link where I can do so?
Obi.
No link but maybe I'll have a go
Hi Obadiah
I envisage someone with the high level ranting technique of Ian Paisley delivering this. At least it needs a broad English/Irish accent to add colour. Unfortunately my accent is not so pronounced these days but may be I'll have a go and post it.