Petty fights erupt on the film skin
of our tiny spinning rocky ball,
The hate invective screamed into
an envelope of clinging air so thin
it can’t be heard
above the limit of the wind
at all
The wide-eyed malicious evil grin
of those who love to make others crawl
in the slow dance of benighted war
while just beyond the planet’s spin
bright peace of mind
waits for the solar wind unwind
of all
for all the hate, the greed, the lies and sin
in the last wonder of spiral fall
poisoning Earth’s benighted core
will only last until the final spin
of tearing tide
beyond the unimportant pride
that eviscerates us all
Comments
Damn fine
Excellent job. I especially loved the authors note which lent some added relevance. Shifted perspective from internal to external. I’m internal so I tend to look at things that way first.
Good vocabulary,
Tim
Thanks Tim.
I was partially inspired, also, by the renewed discusion of Free verse versus rhyme. Structured poetry is not my forte, but its important to excersize those rhyming muscles once in a while, because I think it makes my free verse better in cadence, rhythym, and imagery.
Glad that you enjoyed it so much.
Yeah...
maybe everyone should have the experience of walking in space and looking down at this fragile little ball of blue, and the thin atmosphere that keeps us all from the cold stranglehold of the emptiness. Maybe, just maybe, we would see that we should learn to get along, because if we don't, and we ruin the one little piece of the universe that we have, there is no place else to go. Nice job of letting us see that. Good language, theme and understanding of our plight. ~ Geez.
.
Thanks Gee.
Yeah, I think we all would benefit from looking down at the curve of our world once in a while, or maybe even a little farther out from that. We really don't have anywhere else to go...yet.
Glad you enjoyed this one, my friend.
Ello YOU!!
Damn you still got it my brother; I love this poem but as usual I have a couple of suggestions if you are still editing this one
love and biggest hugs Sis x
Hi Oz Lady,
Editing or not, your criticism is ALWAYS welcome.
You know why.
Glad you think I still got it.
Even more glad that you call me 'brother', sister!
Go ahead, critique away!
>>BIG virtual hug<<
Dearest Bro
Firstly I hope you're blessedly well and your world spins smoothly. It's so damn good to see you back. The edit can wait, I'm so absolutely chuffed you're back.
Our family is coming home. we all gravitate away with life's tasks but the pull of the fibrils of family, always pulls us back.
I am glad so very glad you're back.
You've always been such a light here and I see you glowing!!!
With all my love your Sis from Oz (((((hugs))))
I miss you!
You just spun my head around!
*love, Cat
*ever, eddy
He hadn't been well last time
He hadn't been well last time we spoke I will message him and see how he is (HUGS)
I miss him too!!!
Please...
give Jim all my best? I am worried! thank you.
*love and hugs, Cat
I have missed you, too...
But I sincerely hope that your head did not spin around TOO much! ;)
It is good to be back. Even better, to read your words again.
Much love Cat, <<Big Virtual HUG>>
And you too, Eddy...just no hugs for you, 'cuz I value my LIFE ;)
Race, my dear...
it s so good to see you again. I always hang on your every word... I feel that you are my spokes person! you always say what I cannot and so beautifully, too! I love you,dear boy!
*love, Cat & eddy...you made me laugh, eddy
the hate invective
that's a doozy of a phrase, Race.
Good to see you here. I am freshly back. It's been a while!
Would you consider more commas in the following line?
tiny spinning rocky ball, --> tiny, spinning, rocky ball,
The flow of that line was choppy for me. Maybe it was intended to represent our spinning rocky ball, but I thought some commas might slow the reader down effectively.
Kelsey