RoseBlack

Feb 12, 2023

Chains

Arms bound in cold steel
My heart bleeds black drops silenced
Rise, your time is now

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Thanks .Mark

My first attempt at a haiku

Thanks Mark

I will make use of this

Can I please steal this too?

its polite to ask lol

hugs xox

Hello dearest Carrie

This is so succinct and satisfying. The reader gets the message right to the point. Howeve, I am not sure if you meant it to be a 5/7/5 senryu, if so the third line has one syllable more
A-wake, /your/ time/ is/ now
Also I thought a comma after (awake) makes a smoother read, but as I said this is really perfect.

Hi Rula

I was trying for the 5/7/5...will have to pay closer attention next time. I agree that a comma after Awake, does make a smoother read. I will add that in. Thank you for your read and suggestions.

I changed

Awake to Rise to see if that fits the 5/7/5

Thanks Kat

Glad you enjoyed.

dear Carrie,

I like this version much better than the other. it has strength and endurance!

*hugs, Cat

Thanks Cat

Glad you enjoyed!

Dearest Carrie

I wrote a comment and it's not here.

I said that I really liked this one.
It's very different from the normal Haiku.

Well done!

Love and big hugs Jayne xox

Thank you Jayne

It is my first attempt at Haiku. Glad you enjoyed.

Well you did a fine job.

Well you did a fine job.

It's always good to step out of your comfort zone.

Hugs and love Jayne xox

Rosewood Apothecary

It’s dark redemption

Like a phoenix rising from the black cinders and ashes.

Tim

Indeed

Time for new beginnings...

C

I saw your poem, liked it

I saw your poem, liked it very much.
Chains inspired me to try to write a haiku

I am glad

I was able to inspire you. I have been inspired by many on the site to start writing different types of poetry and styles. I have always enjoyed Haiku and this was my first attempt at one myself.