Cries in the night
Try to wake, try to wake
Run away, fight or flight
For goodness sake, goodness sake
Nightmares ride
Run so fast, run so fast
Find nowhere, that I can hide
Chase the past, chase the past
Woe is me, I was so blind
I didn't hear, didn't hear
What did I think, hope to find
Face my fear, face my fear
Blackened soul, tormented so
See the truth, see the truth
There was no way for me to know
You took my youth, took my youth
Comments
Thank you...
This just kind of wrote itself.
~ Geezer.
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this is really getting into something
The reading is electric, it builds great. The repetition and the the iambic pulse.
2 suggestions-
Sometimes breaking the iambic in the climax, try a trochee or something to set it apart like a coda.
the last line...so what took your soul, and blackened it ? How did it take your youth? You haven't set me up for that. The finale leaves me too far wondering how it got to this point. But the ride through the first three stanzas, I feel like I'm on a galloping horse. I'm just not taking that leap into the final statement.
It was...
meant to be ambiguous. The comment; "For many reasons", is for just that; not only my story , but a couple of others too.
It actually started out as someone else's tale of woe, but I soon realized that it was also mine. I will think on it a bit and maybe
make it a little clearer. ~ Geezer.
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Dearest Bro
This felt like someone struggling to breathe or be or find. I really loved the build up. I think this is marvellous.
Well done!!!
Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox
Thank you much...
As previously said, it was meant to be ambiguous; I realized that it was a lot of stories all rolled up into one. Yes, it is about people struggling; people struggling to get away from past mistakes and bad memories, things that seem to chase them wherever they go. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
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