scribbler

Feb 02, 2023

This poem is part of the contest:

Tomorrow Is Another Day

(Read More...)

MY COUNTRY ROAD

I step across the roadside ditch
to rest my bones upon a stump
then indulge a mild knee itch
beside a honeysuckle clump
on this mid winter day.

A sip from my old worn canteen
rids my mouth of road's red dust
which was inhaled but never seen
while time accrued the years like rust
as I have slowly made my way.

This road has varied through the years.
I started crowded, now I'm alone.
Early laughter turned to tears.
Limber joints now bone on bone
often causing my gait to sway.

I see the slope becoming steep
as it fades into a misty peak.
Will that be my life's memories keep,
that final summit that I seek?
So near yet so far away...

Well. I'll not get there sitting here
so once more gray gravel bears my load
as I incrementally draw near
to the end of my country road.
I know I'll get there one fine day.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: not real pleased with title

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

Well told!

What a beautiful piece of work. The rhythmic pattern, pace, and rhyming scheme played well.

Good job!
.

Hi Scrib!...

Nice to see you posting something.
Yeah, I hear you about the title, it kind of sounds like a few other pieces you've written. Maybe someone has an idea.

You have a typo in the fourth line of your first stanza; Get rid of one of the [a's]
and I do believe that you have left out a [d] [crowded], second line of third stanza.
Otherwise, a page from my book, [although I don't see myself going on any long hikes].
As always, you leave me sitting here as though I have been there with you. ~ Geez.
.

Hi Geez

WHAT??? ME having typos??? lol. At least I have friends to point them out. Thanks for coming by

My Country Road

Hello, Stan,
Another fine walk with you! This is an interesting rhyme pattern and you've done it very well. i stumble a bit with the rhythm of "Ahead I see the slope is getting steep" - perhaps something similar to "Ahead the slope is getting steep." ?? The introspective line, "So near, yet so far away..." stands out. Really like the thoughtful pause it brings.
Thank you!
L

I did an adjustment on that line . Perhaps it works better now.

I appreciate your visit and comment

Hi, Stan,

I like what you have done - a smooth, poetic flow.
L

Thanks

One good thing about neoppoet is the willingness of people to offer up suggestions as we as writers who are willing to take suggestions without being offended

Well done

Interesting. Any walk in nature is gonna draw me in. Your rhyme pattern and timing are both excellent. Take care of those knees in the cold.

Tim

hi Tim

I am pleased you like this scribble

dear Stan,

thank you for taking me along with you on this fine walk. it is good that there was a stump for me to rest my rump. my boneless knees thank you, lol! as excellent as always!

* love & hugs, Cat

Hi Cat

The problem with sitting on stumps is some of them are full of fire ants lol.

oh oh oh!

not fireants!!! ran into them in Colorado!!! they are merciless!

*major hugs, Cat

yep

now days you need to kick a stump hard before you sit

A ballad of memory

I have nothing to add except maybe a suggestion above for your title.

Sigh I've missed our walks.

Love always Sis xox

Hi

Good of you to drop by. Always happy to share the little journeys I go on

Hello Stan

I am always late but never to your walks. Enjoyable as always.
As I see you are writing this as an entry for the contest, so I find no harm to remind you that the title should hold the same title of the contest and I thought that it's a good alternative for the present one if you are not well satisfied with it.
Great to read you again.