If I could just caress the face
That has for centuries endured,
Lured men stronger e’re than I
With eyes so dark my soul they score.
Oh! let me kiss those sable eyes,
Dark and wild as storm at night,
Look deep into those gates of love
Lose fast my soul, my heart, my life.
Oh! If I could but touch those lips
That pout and tease and draw men in,
Soft, brush them with my own hot breath
And feel the magic of my sin.
From Spartan Queens to Egypts plains,
From Roman cities, summer bright,
Her beauty, rare, rolls down the years
To my sad life brings worth and light.
Comments
dear Alex,
Oh let me kiss those sable eyes,
Dark and wild as storm at night;
Look deep into those gates of love
And lose my soul, my heart, my life.
the whole poem is amazing, but the lines above are my favorite! exquisite writing and execution.. much enjoyed.
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
I see you too like Poe and Bob Dylan. have you heard Marc Cohn's "Girl Of Mysterious Sorrow"? I think you will like it!
Hello Cat.
Hello Cat. Thank you once again for your kind comments. I have made a couple of minor edits following on from some advise I was given. I have heard Girl of Mysterious Sorrow, and you were right, I did like it and will listen to some more of his music.
Did I tell you I met Dylan when he came to the Isle of Wight Festival?. I lived with my wife on the coast and he stayed in a converted barn on a farm barely a quarter mile away. You couldn't get near for security but one afternoon while walking the dog along the cliffs we met him out walking and had a few minutes chat. Wish I'd got his autograph...Alex
dear Alex,
I'm so glad you liked it. I think "Burning The Daze" is one of his best albums. so many great tunes on it, including; "Girl Of Mysterious Sorrow" I'm sure you will like it.
wow, meeting Bob Dylan, what a treat! one of those rare moments I call Highlights! if I met him I would have a few questions for him. like "what were you thinking when you wrote my favorite song, (Idiot Wind) did you ask him anything about his music?
*hugs, in music, Cat
Dylan
I was too stupid, and stunned. We just shared a few pleasantries as he stroked Brandy (our Labrador). To paraphrase him 'It's a wonder that I still knew how to breathe'. Alex
lol
;)
the cat
Desire
Hello, Alex,
Although not the traditional form, the essence of this piece feels much like a sonnet in language, rhyme, and rhythm. The poem seems to personify Desire as a woman, and I am curious about the references to Egypt and Rome. Very passionate. I see in your profile that you own a theater company. Your talent shows in this piece.
Thank you!
L
Desire
Hello L. Thank you for your Kind comments. Not so much theatre now though I keep my eye on them. Time to relax a little.
I think the references to Egypt etc. came about because I was trying to emphasise that the beauty of women is timeless and the first thing that came to mind were the ancient goddesses. Alex
Desire
Hello L. Thank you for your Kind comments. Not so much theatre now though I keep my eye on them. Time to relax a little.
I think the references to Egypt etc. came about because I was trying to emphasise that the beauty of women is timeless and the first thing that came to mind were the ancient goddesses. Alex
Damn
This is absolutely beautiful. I see some things that could strengthen it and I’ll drop the suggestions here.
If I could just caress the face
That has for centuries endured;
Lured men stronger e’re than I
With eyes so dark my soul they score.
Oh let me kiss those sable eyes,
Dark and wild as storm at night;
Look deep into those gates of love
I’d lose my soul, my heart, my life.
If I could but touch those lips
That pout and tease and draw men in;
Soft, brush them with my own hot breath
And feel the magic of my sin.
From Spartan Queens to Egypt’s plains,
From Roman cities, summer bright,
Her beauty, rare, rolls down the years
And to my life brings worth and light.
I took the liberty of removing some of the articles. Let’s talk about that. It’s not a great habit to use articles as placeholders for missing syllables. It’s disinteresting and I dare say, lazy. You are an excellent writer and I think you could try and reword those lines so you get the rhythm you want without using “and” so often. I left the last two stanza as you wrote them so you could see the difference. Where I removed the “and”s the reader still totally gets your meaning, those ands are implied by the context clues.
I enjoy your writing immensely. It’s very musical. As a lyricist I was habitually using these place holders too to make the words fit the musical trappings. This was the best advice I was given when I first came to the site by Cat. Now I pass it on to you.
You’re incredibly talented
Tim
Desire
Hello Tim, Thank you for your interest and suggestions. I understand what you are driving at and have done some editing along the lines of what you have said, except for the last 'and' which seems to work ok. Thank you also for your last sentence which inspires me to write more. Alex.