Candlewitch

Jan 10, 2023

Late Night... by: eddy styx

Down the time tunnels
I often walk feeling the chains.
In the dead of a winter's night
when the cold wind moans my name.

Like a knife's frigid touch
trying to tear me apart
through layers of clothing
it seeks out my beating heart...

In this wicked reality
I walk the dank streets alone
crunching leaves beneath my feet
reminding me of drying bone.

I fear I go to meet my death
no guns or blades allowed,
just bare fists, muscle and sinew
only we two, no clamoring crowd.

Beyond my comfort zone, now
saddling me with heavy doubt,
time is continuous in itself
however my time runs out.

On I walk to embrace my fate
the night cold and crisp around me,
A man of yesterdays morals of honor
to greaten my foretold destiny!

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Dear Cat

I have no suggestions I loved this one,

only thing is Mussel the right word you want to use? or muscle?

You still got it and like a fine wine you only get better

love & hugs J xx

hello Lady Jayne,

thank you, and especially for the catch, I appreciate it! I'm glad yo liked it. I will fix it shortly.

*ever, eddy styx

All good

Language, pacing and pattern are all very good.

Down the time tunnels
I often walk feeling the chains.
In the dead of a winter's night
when the cold wind moans my name...

In this wicked reality
I walk the dank streets alone
crunching leaves beneath my feet
reminding me of drying bone.

Those two stanzas are fire.
Tim

hey Tim,

I much appreciate you telling me what you like about my poem and your critiques are the finest. you do me honor.

*ever, eddy

Awesome stuff

Damn. This was one outstanding write my friend. I loved how the tension increased in the poem as you head towards that final meeting place. I also loved how the weather around you reflected the storm brewing inside you.

However, I do have just one small suggestion. And I hope you will not consider it too forward of me to offer advice so soon after joining.

But the suggestion I offer is just two letters long...lol.

At the very end of the last verse-

-But on I walk to embrace my fate
the night cold and crisp around me,
A man of yesterdays morals of honor
to great my foretold destiny!

I would suggest just adding en to great, to make it greaten. And this is to give the verse some actionable goal and perhaps wind it up some expected heroic finale.

Otherwise, everything else is spot-on. I really loved it.

Thanks for sharing.