even in my fantasies
I can't properly fill the seat next to me
the universe hums a monadic melody
and in its chorus
I am endlessly plummeting
forever diminished
in my distance from us
I long for the woman
whose face I forget every day
and the friend I meet again
when sleep undoes my amnesia
branches in the sky
breathe and bring me back to us
cruel or kind
breathe and bring me back
to the blood in the cut
god above
ripped from the rafters
awake again
the most primal aspect
of what we were
rebuild and reclaim
the mountain once climbed
blame poetry on the pen
grant me a 27th letter
that I might say it better
and start again
Dec 13, 2022
27th Letter
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
I love the words.
Even in my fantasies
I can't properly fill the seat next to me.
The universe hums a monadic melody
and in its chorus I am endlessly plummeting,
forever diminished in my distance from us.
I long for the woman
whose face I forget every day
and the friend I meet again
when sleep undoes my amnesia.
Branches in the sky.
Breathe and bring me back to us.
Cruel or kind.
Breathe and bring me back to the blood in the cut.
God above.
Ripped from the rafters.
Awake again.
The most primal aspect of what we were.
Rebuild and reclaim the mountain once climbed.
Blame poetry on the pen.
Grant me a 27th letter that I might say it better...
and start again.
It sounds like great poetry so I had a strong urge to make it look like poetry in a traditional sense. Obviously, just my two cents and not meant as anything but critique. I do love the theme and language. The concept of needing an extra letter to convey some thought that escapes words is really cool.
Nice job,
Tim
So the comments box
Messed with my surgery a bit but I think you get the idea. Sorry.
Tim
Thank you
Thank you for reading
Welcome to neopoet!
It looks so prosaic as I read each line. I would rather put it in this form:
Even in my fantasies I can't properly fill the seat next to me.
The universe hums a monadic melody and in its chorus I am endlessly plummeting,
forever diminished in my distance from us.
I long for the woman whose face I forget every day and the friend I meet again when sleep undoes my amnesia.
Branches in the sky.
Breathe and bring me back to us. Cruel or kind.
Breathe and bring me back to the blood in the cut.
God above.
Ripped from the rafters.
Awake again.
The most primal aspect of what we were.
Rebuild and reclaim the mountain once climbed.
Blame poetry on the pen.
Grant me a 27th letter that I might say it better...and start again.
.
Thank you
Thank you for reading and the suggestion on form. This is helpful.
Alright
You're welcome!
.
hello I_O
I have been searching for that 27th letter, too. for many years, it is illusive. thank you for teaching me a new word (monadic) I looked it up and appreciate its meaning. I will not disclose it here. let any who are curious discover for themselves ;)
I see that your muse comes from a distant place and plane, to deliver you to heights not yet reached by many a poet.
are you a professor or an educator? I wonder, because I know you are a learned man who is in love with meaningful words...please forgive me my curiosity. I much enjoyed the beauty of this piece.
*hugs, Cat
Monadic
Isn't that a fun word? I was picking the username I use now at the same time I was writing this piece. If you search for Indivisible Origin you'll see monad(s) come up a lot as they relate in a philosophical context. I am humbled by your kind words. I'm not a professor and not an educator, teacher on my best days when luck shows up too, perhaps. I judge I'm more gypsy than professor. Thank you for reading.
IO
In My Formative Years,
(age sixteen going on twenty-one) I knew someone, who you remind me of. He was an English Appreciation Student at the U. of Mn. part teacher part gypsy. there was a gap of 6 to seven years between us.
Circumstances tossed us together... I learned so much from him. he took a notebook (poetry/prose) of mine, to class with him to show to his professor. he liked what he read and advised that I keep at my writing.
I really like your style and shall be following your work.
*hugs, Cat