Ray Whitaker
Ray Whitaker
Oct 19, 2022
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week October 16th to October 22 2022 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

CHURCH FOR YOU (Edited)

CHURCH FOR YOU

I feel good when I have church
there in those lumps of tree roots
up against the big oak’s trunk
forming a seat of a sort….
where both Jesus, and God
can place pundits in my mind as if there was no other influence
no interference with openness to reception.

I do not necessarily get this time
the special pace for Vipassanā
by being told how to believe
from a man or woman wearing a funny hat
behind a fancy music stand.

Rather, a mountaintop
of green, spring leaves in the hardwoods
of the Blue Ridge
or even in the Rockies nestled against some tall red rock
with white quartz veins angling thru them.

There is where I hear
and feel church

precisely there
not in a liturgy of processional-sermon-recessional

or my dreams.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Colorado Springs, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Tomas Transtormer

More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Hello, Ray,
The lumps of tree roots...yes, precisely there. This is so heartwarming. Love your last line. Reality is better than dreams.
Thank you,
L

Michael Anthony

Hi Ray! I like the theme and title very much! I'm not a religious person, so I look to find my faith in other places as well; nature being the most significant temple for me.

Some comments:
- The first two lines in the second stanza might read better as:

I do not necessarily get this time
for the special pace of Vipassanā (meditation)

- I think "Doxology" while accurate in usage here is an ugly word that stands out when looking at the rest of your beautiful poem. This may just be a style/preference thing on my part, so please ignore as you see fit. Maybe like this though:

precisely there (really like this focusing line!)
not in a liturgy of praise

- I would drop the last single line stanza, as it doesn't seem consistent in context with the rest of the poem.

Please feel free to file my comments in the appropriate circular sir! But before you do, I really liked the theme here and enjoyed this piece.

Best

Ray Whitaker

Yes, “liturgy” is a bit more likeable…. “Doxology” is a bunch too upright, and not so much friendly.

Some of my “one-liner” last stanzas are going in a slightly different direction, however still relatable…. I use those as a thought provoker in the reader.

I try nit to get hung up in the “craft” of any piece…. Just only in my editing…. Primarily, the pieces are there as written, as they come out. My muse has green hair.

Geezer

only echo what I see here. I whole-heartedly agree right down the line!
I mistrust anything that humans have a hand in producing/writing.
Now, if I were to see a giant finger from the sky, write flaming letters in stone
I would tend to believe that! [However, my days of experimenting with...
Anyhow, I find the natural world is much more relaxing and somehow, believable
Once humans are involved... ehhh.
This piece is not long and convoluted as some of your works
and your theme and views are spot on. The logic is well spoken
from beginning to end. Nice, smooth! ~ Geez.
.

Ray Whitaker

Thanks for your input….

My spiritual part is Christian based, and i do reside in it.

Some how the deliberate lack of humanity and abuse of some Christian sects (the Catholic Church and priestly child abuse comes to mind) puts me off in a very large way. As does the discrimination of all religions towards each other. The countless humans that have lost their lives as a direct influence from the major religions is another factor, in maintaining my independent thoughts.

I won’t go into the details any further that what I wrote above. Praying in amongst the trees works for me.

Rosewood Apothecary

I love your appreciation of nature, not just in this poem but in others that I’ve read. Things about the James Webb and poems about trekking up a mountain trail with a lover in the dark trusty mag lite in head.

I feel like my religious conditioning does leave my writing with undertones of Christianity despite being a professed atheist. My issues with Christianity lie in the administration of its dogma and not in the idea itself. I mean, Matthew 5:3-12 kinda sums the whole human experience up. I too find that communion with nature is a spiritual experience of the highest accord.

I love it
Tim

Jackweb

Clearly visualize an oak tree spreading it's boughs shading around the environment in serenity and peace.

There are few lines you need to edit:

* (The) is where I hear
and feel church
Should be: There✓ is where I hear and feel church.

* from (an) man or woman wearing a funny hat (Should be: from (a)✓ man or woman wearing a funny hat.
.

Jackweb

Congratulations Ray!
.

Celso G. Tertins

well deserved win. though might come off as bit controversial to the more conservative due to its religious elements, i trust as poets, we are all open-minded. congrats. the world is our temple.

Ray Whitaker

Yes, I see that the controversial content is there. I attempt to write for the everyday person, and sometimes that is something of an agitation. I’ve no problem being a “Poet of Agitation” or a “Poet of Witness” — two terms I have had an affinity for since I learned their meanings in a poetry workshop some years ago. Those are the sort of terms that could make me want to have studied a creative writing syllabus. Which I have not.

I remain firm in my dear holding of Christianity. I hold it far more dear that the evidence of controversial activities that the leaders of Christianity have allowed…. The child abuse of the Catholic Church comes to mind.

Thank you for reading my work, and commenting