on crowded highways civilization flows
a stream of mercury that gleams,
thick, it goes heavy and rather slow,
a silver unraveling,
highly toxic
but at times, quite captivating.
Oct 06, 2022
This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week Contest October 2nd to October 8th 2022
mercury.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Superb
Outstanding metaphor. I’ll never not think of it that way again. It’s branded in there
thank you tim!
thank you tim!
mercury.
Hello, Celso,
You have a gift in creating compelling poetry from everyday city and urban sights and sounds. May I ask, why the punctuation? I agree, this is superb.
Thank you,
L
i composed the piece when i
i composed the piece when i was walking home during the rush hour and i was quite out of breath, must have translated when i typed the piece. agreed, it is quite confusing. i will rectify it, thanks for the suggestion.
The metaphor...
is stunning! I see it as a great wave of slow-moving brilliance and overpowering tidal wave! Humanity will eventually spread throughout the universe and the captivation may mesmerize anyone in our way, unless they are moved to destroy us before they are overwhelmed. Great write! ~ Geezer .
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