Jackweb
Jackweb
Sep 22, 2022

The hidden letter

My heart writes everything about you,
thoughts in me are already rising up,
my head is now over weight of words,
I'm totally and emotionally sinking in.

day after day I keep remembering you,
'cause you're the embodiment of love,
I can't resist these natural feelings,
i'm caught in the fire of your love.

Your smile has overshadowed me,
'cause your beauty has sanctified you,
I intend to confess this love to you but,
I cant- just because I'm stammering.

I have written a bunch of letters for you,
which only my head reads alone,
the more I read the love increases,
I'm now a victim of a burning flame.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

your language use is improving. The rhythm of this is good and the theme is one that I do not often dabble in. The beginning and end are fine, and I would say that you have for the most part, written another good love poem.

I would use the word remembering instead of reminiscing
instead of [an] I would use [the] embodiment of love

I can't resist [these] natural feelings
Your smile [has] overshadowed me
[has] sanctified

You need to work on your tenses a little.
I know that it is a difficult thing, in English
because the word keeps changing in some cases
but I am confident that you will get it. ~ Geez.
.

Jackweb

Gee... Your comments are a valuable asset to my writing, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
.

Lavender

Hello, Jack,
There is nothing like a love letter that will not be sent or mailed, or never seen by the object of one's love. I feel the anxiety and torment here. I like the link between the fire and flame within the last line of second stanza and the final line of the poem. Nicely connected!
Thank you!
L