Dying Tree

You’re a good writer. It’s tough subject matter to critique. I’ll offer some in a few. I feel you. This is a really supportive community here. If you ever feel like writing isn’t enough and you need to talk, my inbox is open, I mean that. I’m not always on but I’m checking in every few hours. I’m glad you’re here sharing with us.

Now

My heart from my chest was tore(torn)

Now I can feel pain no more

So obviously “was tore” is incorrect grammatically, the reader knows what you mean.

One suggestion: just use torn. I think torn and more are a soft rhymes anyway.

Another:

My heart from my chest this tore

Now I can feel pain no more

Or:

My heart from my chest it tore

Now I can feel pain no more

You could also just leave it alone because it’s pretty damn good. Thanks for sharing your work here with us.

My inbox is open if you’re ever feeling down,
Tim

with Rosewood's assessment. This could use just a little bit of adjustment.
I would suggest:

My heart from chest is surely tore
And now, I feel the pain no more.

As always, our suggestions are purely that; suggestions, use them or not or even decide that you have come up with something better from something we've said. Good luck in the contest. ~ Geezer.
.,

I see that the top advisors are on the job! you've been given good advice. nice to meet you!

always, Cat

Hiya, Dep 1..

Well, I guess you wrote this as a sort of cathartic salve,
again, well,,
you've happened upon a poetic turn!

May sound silly but it brought to mind the early folk lyrics of Woody Guthrie,
I'd just go with the flow but try not to make writing too exclusively personal.

Hope you stick around !!

Obi.

Nicely written. It is an emotionally charged topic and I am glad you are comfortable enough with us to share. I will echo Tim's statement and my inbox is always open if you need someone to listen.

Thanks for posting this.

if you were to couple some of the lines, IMHO it would be incredibly powerful for the reader.