Anna Severchuk
Anna Severchuk
Jun 30, 2022
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week June 26 to July 2nd 2022

(Read More...)

Night dreams

It’s a dark night.
I am reading a book.
A dim light,
Stars aren’t giving a look
Into my window.
It’s autumn
In our Kingdom,
People are on the top,
On the top of their dreams…
Their dreams are about summer,
Bright sunny light,
But now the sun is just a runner,
Which tries to escape and doesn’t fight
With those clouds in the sky,
Which rain and rain and fly…

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Odessa,Ukraine, UKR

More from this author

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

I like it. I like the how you’ve connected emotional content to the seasons.

“Which tries to escape and doesn’t fight”
or
“Which tries to escape and does not fight”

May work better. I’m not basing it on grammar though I just feel like the extra syllable. My preference would be the latter “does not fight”

Please take my critique lightly. Nice job.

Tim

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 10 months ago

Glad to see you. It must be hard in the Ukraine right now, even reading a book has it's dangers if you want to read by a light of any kind. It's hard for me to imagine, I truly hope that your country is afforded some relief soon. The only thing that I see to change, is deleting the [ly] from brightly. ~ Geezer.
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