Words.unwritten
Jun 28, 2022
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week June 26 to July 2nd 2022

(Read More...)

Entertainment purposes only

I never let them chase me
I don't feel like a reward
I'm just there for entertainment
When they are lonely or bored
I have so many layers
They peel each one away
Tell me what I want to hear
Promise me they'll stay
But then comes something better
More beautiful less fat
And they give up on all I am
For just a slice of that
I'll never get the romance
I'll never feel secure
They'll always choose the perfect ones
With false tempting allure
I hold onto maybes
And believe each pathetic word
Get left hidden away
Seldom seen and never heard
I'm dependable and loyal
My heart is pure like gold
But il never have what I deserve
Or a hand they'll want to hold.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: West Yorkshire

Favorite Poets: Byron

More from this author

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

This is a beautiful piece. I have a few gentle suggestions I’ll share here. I see it’s submitted for poem of the week; it’s a really good one. Thanks for sharing your vulnerabilities, it’s honest and open. I’m hoping you do find that special someone. and I’m sorry others have played carelessly with your heart strings. I’m sending healing out into the ether for you.

So…

But then comes something better
More beautiful, less fat
And they give up on all I am
For just a slice of that

I'll never get the romance
I'll never feel secure
They'll always choose the perfect ones
With tempting false allure

I hold onto maybes
Buy each pathetic word
Always left hidden away
Seldom seen and never heard

I added one comma and changed a few things so the rhythm is just a bit smoother. It’s just a suggestion of course. I also arranged it into a format of 4 line stanzas. You have a complete thought every four lines so it seemed prudent. Again just suggestions. Good luck on the contest this week. I really like this one.

Tim

W

Sorry ...lol ...
I finally understand stanzas...is what that should have said lol ...I usually tend to write about past experiences I very rarely try to write about my present which is something I want to try more of the problem is I write when I'm low or confused or down because its always been a bit of an escape for me ...thanks for your suggestions I shall try that ..