lovedly
lovedly
Jun 21, 2022

Your Choice

your choice
of growing with loneliness
as a tree abounds in a deserted land
with winds blowing up only sand
then there in the midst of an oasis
broadens a mirage
as it blanks the mind

you chose loneliness
to that hopeful mirage...
which designs mankind

perhaps 'twas no mirage
but an apparition of mind
in the deepest
darkest and solitary refines
which make you
melancholy
depressive design

the choice was yours
to save your penny...
as the ones were eyeing
your hard earned money

you left them far behind
with no company

the choice was yours!

reside in
LONELINESS
Now live in self wrought misery!
just try to be happy

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read

More from this author

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Excellent imagery. Very easy to visualize. “Broadens a mirage” is an interesting verbiage. It might be my favorite line. It makes me see the mirage widen as it is appearing.

Critique. I’d say try and read it a few times thru and decide where you want the tests to be and do some punctuating. The old Oxford comma. Where’s Geezer? I’m new here but he seems to be great at that. Also maybe something in the middle to help marry the image of the penny/hard work image to the desert image. I realize they are both metaphors for the same thing which I’m taking to be a misanthropic external world view which I do share from time to time along with bouts of depression. I feel you.
Play around some with this, I think you’re going to find some things in the revision process you’ll like. Nice work

Tim