Jackweb
Jackweb
Jun 14, 2022

FIRST LOVE

You are the angel of my life
your smiles awakens the sun rise
your laughter unveils your beauty
you are the star that shines on my face

ever since you came into my life
I found an endless peace and joy
your company was like a family union
staying around me was like a breathe of life

just know I ended this adorable friendship
'cause you're coarse and foul-mouthed bully
I hate to beat a woman due to their feminity
since I can't endure and tolerate your attitude

I decided to end it here and call it off
although your memory keeps a pleasant
tale of your love and kind affection
in all, you were once a sweet heartthrob

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

in the second line... I think it would be better to use the word (awakens) instead of awakes. a simple mistake easily gotten over. this sounds like a rocky and volatile relationship. best left behind...

*hugs, Cat

Jackweb

Thank you so much for spotting it out Cat!
Truly, you are an expert here.

I just laughed over this comment: this sounds like a rocky and volatile relationship.
Yes, you are %100 right!

Jackweb

I am happy you knew what I meant here.