You linger lost In a dream you paid for
And abandon the one that's free
I search for you between the lines and the slumber And creep amongst the chaos of your mind
I attempt to join you in your psycadelic world
With continued dilusions of it being as exciting.
Trying desperately to create vivid memories
Before the occasional seconds of sanity dissolve
Like sugar in tea or salt on a wound
Or a tablet on your tongue
May 29, 2022
Dissolve
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
dear Words.unwritten,
I suggest that you break this long line into two shorter ones for smoothing out your poem:
I search for you between the lines (of) (the) slumber And creep amongst (T)he chaos of your mind
add (of) and drop (the) why is the "T" upper case
the emotion of sorrow runs through your poem and maybe a bit of frustration or exhaustion?
*hugs, Cat
The lines ...and the slumber
The lines ...and the slumber ...is a reference to lines of cocaine ...and sleep being a part of the comedown from that ..I probably should have mentioned that in the context ...but thank you x x
I see now...
I wasn't thinking drugs...mine was Meth Amphetamine and I used it in vane, of my search, lol
*hugs, Cat
I've never done drugs myself
I've never done drugs myself lol ...but living with someone that does was a difficult situation to be in x
living with someone on drugs...
is no picnic. my significant other was doing heroin. he liked to spend the rent money on something that was ruinous for bod, mind and spirit.
when I did speed I liked to be alone... I spent a year completely alone.
I am glad that you are getting your life back together after some baboon tried to destroy you, along with himself. writing poetry is very therapeutic
*hugs, Cat