RoseBlack
RoseBlack
May 14, 2022
This poem is part of the challenge:

Neopoet Challenge Contest # 15

(Read More...)

It's Hard To Breathe

It's hard to breathe
Feels like I'm falling
Black hole waiting
To swallow me down

Can someone help me
I'm losing air;
It's getting harder to breathe
Is there anybody out there

A blanket of darkness
Surrounds me; covering my soul
I'm so cold; yet still aware
Does anyone care?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

I much enjoyed your poem. the pace is good. the flow made me feel frantic...on the verge of fear, as it went on, I realized I was feeling controlled fear! the desperation of these lines makes me ache:

A blanket of darkness
Surrounds me; covering my soul
I'm so cold; yet still aware
Does anyone care?

*hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

Thank you for the read! I am glad you were able to feel the escalation in emotion and the panic. As always, I appreciate your insight and kind words.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 11 months ago

the escalation of fear and aloneness. You have the key! Just turn it in the lock and release yourself. Know that you will be alright, and you will know the moment of escape! Well written and presented. ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

The ever present fear and panic of an anxiety ridden soul. The feeling of being alone when you are in a house full of people. The choking feeling when you can't pull yourself out. Glad you enjoyed it

S

I agree with the above comments. But I think the poem would have more impact if you revealed Why you can't breathe

RoseBlack

Thank you for the read and comment..always glad when you stop by. This is more of an internal struggle. I will have to play around and see how to make it more apparent. Do you have any suggestions?