Edward nigma
Edward nigma
May 03, 2022

The lingering flame

There in a reddened aristocratic armchair
lied the brittle heartbroken body of Tim Raines.
Holding within his hand an olden golden glass
glimmering back those mournful memories
that he wishes had come to pass .
But instead they linger like a flame thriving and striving
throughout the morbid realms of midnight.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Virginia, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe homer Dante Alighieri Oscar Wilde

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Comments

Candlewitch

I would put the words ( Tim) and (Raines) on the same line if that is a person's name. favorite lines:

But instead they linger like a flame lingering and striving
throughout the morbid realms of midnight.

*hugs, Cat

p.s.
I would like to read your thoughts and comments on my poems, if you are up for it! thank you.

Edward nigma

Tim Raines is a name and I’ll fix it
Again thank you . Now I got the thought of this poem while watching the movie.
The snows of killamanjaro . And once I got the thought I wrote it down and grew on it .

Jackweb

There in a reddened aristocratic armchair
Lied the brittle heartbroken body of Tim Raines.

I think line two is a continuation of line one? Or the upper case here on 'Lied' depicts an effect? If not, it dismembers your line of continuity!

Thank you!

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 11 months ago

presentation of the thoughts
behind the movie!
The proper use of [lied] would be [lay]
Your use of alliteration is very good in this piece
and kind of makes it so well done.
The line that goes: But instead they linger like a flame lingering and striving...
could be better if you deleted the second [lingering], so that it reads as;
But instead they linger as a flame, striving throughout the morbid ralms of midnight.
All-in-all, a good piece. ~ Geez.
.