Filthy backstreet alleys
filled with trash and dirt
He wanders without purpose
his heart heavy with its hurt
She left him torn and broken
threw him to the side
Now, he stumbles through today
he needs a place to hide
He hears a low voice singing
stops to listen at the door
Through a crack in the doorjamb
he sees her mopping floors
He recognizes lonely
when he hears it sung
Hears the sadness singing
trapped there on her tongue
He can't keep himself from crying
His voice steps up and sings
She listens for a moment
then her heart grows wings
Their voices twine together
making music cry
He can't believe in the magic
there are teardrops in her eyes
She drops her mop and trembles
filled with the old pain
He leaves before she looks for him
silent once again
Every day he goes to sing with her
at the sadness place
He knows that she can't love him
and he must leave no trace
He lost the battle for love once
after the accident
She ceased to look at him that way
he was scarred and bent
Now, he can't take the chance
this one will leave him too
But this singer only hears his beauty
sings, "I'm in love with you"
He told her that she mustn't
he was ugly as sin
she told him she was blind
and his songs had helped him win
She said his face didn't matter
he said, he felt that he was stealing
She touched him and his body
and his heart was filled with healing
Now, they sing together every day
she walks with confidence again
He holds her hand and her heart
and she takes away his pain
Comments
dear Geezer,
S5 L1: He can't help himself from crying (instead of "help" maybe use the word: "keep"?)really good title. excellent flow, very smooth. my favorite lines are:
Now, they sing together everyday
she walks with confidence again
He holds her hand and her heart
and she takes away his pain
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
it is great to see this side of you!
Yes...
I like your word better, thank you. This is a side of me, that begs to be let out now and then. Killer and Sir Gee, keep him chained up in the dungeon most of the time. Yes, Sir Gee has his dark side too! I find that it really helps to listen to music while I work. It doesn't always happen and sometimes it takes a while for the mood to set in, but I find it very useful!
[The boys are hiding from your praise of their kin.] Big hugs, Geez.
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Wow!
what a great piece. rhythm, rhyme, meaning... wow!
Thank you Ray...
I really enjoyed writing this one, as I said to another, it started very different and morphed into this! Sometimes, a piece gets away from me, and goes off on its' own. I'm glad that I let this one have its' head. ~ Geez.
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dear Geezer,
She said his face didn't matter
he told her felt that he was stealing
She touched him and his body
and his heart was filled with healing
the second line feels off.
I noticed on this reading, that this reminds me of "Phantom of the Opera" the film that listed (Gerard Butler) his voice and passion are fantastic!
*hugs, Cat
Thank you...
I've noticed too and am working on it. I think I've got it now! ~ Geez.
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Gee
everyday
could be spliced
I feel.
I posted a western poem
you have yet to see
don't be displeased
Thank you lovedly...
you are right! ~ Geez.
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Redundant?...
filthy backstreet alleys
filled with trash and dirt
filthy - mucky, muddy, to an extreme and often disgusting extent.
trash - discarded matter; refuse, garbage, debris
dirt - grime, dust, soot, soil, etc. A state or quality of uncleanliness.
Geez.
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Just appreciating...
that you care enough to make a comment. ~ Geez.
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Dearest Bro
What a plaintive write. It sings to the lonely hearts drawing them into your lovers lullaby. God this is really beautiful.
I love that ending I think it's nice to once in a while, for the lonely, the sad and the ugly of life to get their happy ending.
This is a beautiful story sung from the soul.
Bravo
Love and higgliest bugs Sis xox
Thanks Sis...
This was one of those that I wrote while listening to some "Blues" music. I was writing to music and it started out much different than the way that it wound up. I'm glad that you liked it and felt strongly enough to comment on it. It makes me feel good that people can read some of my work long after it is displayed on the stream and wish to let me know how it affected them. Thanks Sis, love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
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I really loved reading this.
I really loved reading this. I felt like I was walking with this man through alleyways and crying with him too. For a moment, his heartache was my heartache. His conflict, mine. What a journey.
Thank you Abby...
I am glad you enjoyed this one, it was a tale born of part experience, [the alleys of New Orleans], my love for the blues, and
a story about a blind girl who had the voice of an angel. I put them all together and... Thanks for the read and comments.
~ Geezer.
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