Remember last night
Your heart beating next to mine
Yes, remember last night
When we were feeling so fine
You were in my arms
didn't want to let you go
I held you close, so tight
feeling the want begin to grow
Swaying and sweating hands
holding to that smokey song
Never thinking of tomorrow
Not caring it was wrong
Breath full of dizzy whiskey
Caressing fingers down your spine
I couldn't stand up but couldn't fall down
I hung on last night, when you were mine
Last Few Words: Again, written while listening to the blues and remembering a night long ago, dancing in the back room of a bar, fifteen years old, with a woman twice my age, [a friend of my mother's]. I still think about her coffee skin, the smell of her perfume mingling with the smell of whiskey and the scent of musk. We never spoke of it afterward, although we shared knowing glances whenever we happened to meet. A Mona Lisa smile and the brush of my hand as I tried hard to re-engage, but no such luck.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
dear Geezer,
reading this poem was almost dancing in an erotic dream. beautiful and nostalgic. I really liked these lines:
Breath full of dizzy whiskey
Caressing fingers down your spine
I couldn't stand up but couldn't fall down
I hung on last night, when you were mine
*hugs, Cat
Thanks...
and thanks again. This woman was a dear friend of my mother's, and she was mortified that she had succumbed to her base desires and told me so. She has long passed now, but I had seen her shortly before she died, and we shared one of those
secret looks. 20 years hadn't dimmed that Mona Lisa smile and I wore it all the way home. ~ Geez.
.
I read: the last few words
found it bittersweet...
*hugs, Cat
Coincidence Gee
I was nearly
19 she maybe like fifty
with a low down hubby
she clenched me under her arms
but excited though I was
couldn't come under her charms
but surprisingly
I still feel warm
though she has merged
since mighty long
How to me
that memory does still belong
How now still I wish
Wow
A reflection of lovely encounter! perhaps you are reminiscing about a long time meet.
Beautiful lines...
Breath full of dizzy whiskey
Caressing fingers down your spine
I couldn't stand up but couldn't fall down
I hung on last night, when you were mine
Excellent!
Thank you...
Indeed, this was a memory that I have kept for a long time. ~ Geez.
.
This was beautiful
I think you have mastered romance writing. One can only hope to have such a magical night with someone who means so much to them and if they can't, reading a poem like this brings all the feelings to the surface. Great read.