Mother, O' mother
what have you done?
Turned your youngest daughter
into a son!
Conceived in the dark
of a closet room
forever cursed with
the mark of doom.
Child unwanted,
mother's remorse
dejected father
steers a new course.
She-male baby
unloved as a lass
bitter and sharp
as underfoot glass.
Child always told
she was father's lament,
lies from the mother
resentfully spent.
Twisted and bent
lost child grew
in the shadow of siblings
who poisoned the brew.
Soon this branched
to a dark twisted tree
destroying the remnants
of all female debris.
Comments
Dear Jayne,
Thank you for the suggestion which I have implemented. I knew you'd relate to this piece. How are you feeling? I think about you often. Please let me know when your book is available for purchasing.
love, Cat
Dear Jayne,
Yup! Still in the same place. Now I'm getting excited! Can't hardly wait for the delivery!
love, Cat
Hi Shirl,
Thanks for letting me know the part which you enjoyed. Parents can damage their children in their disappointment over the sex of the little one. It can be a lifelong stigma. Thanks for the birthday wishes! I Steve took the day off work and took me out to lunch. I had three margarita's with my meal. The poem came to me on my way home. Today I will send you a copy of "The Book of Styx."
love, Cat
My mind is blown
I am speechless, its a great write and I am happy to be reading your work once more.
Hello Kingzombie!
So nice to see you again, I'm so glad you have found me!
always, Cat
Dear Bee.
I very much liked your suggestion, I think the piece is better for it. Thank you very much!
always, Cat
Hmmmm. Reminds me of many
Hmmmm. Reminds me of many things, both real and surreal.
Interesting to see that this is the education of Eddie and his further evolution.
~A
Dear Anna,
Glad to have sparked your imagination. Yes, it is my mother's wanting to have a boy for my father which were eddy's seeds. I didn't learn until much later that my father was quite happy with his last girl who became his shadow.
always, Cat
an interesting write
an interesting write
rhyme and rhythm propel this along quite easily,
and the dark edge is not at all over-the-top, as to
seem forced
it reads very smoothly actually, as if the words
came easily
a bit of a squirmy subject, when you look at
the far-reaching implications of such a birth
and upbringing
only hic-up for me, was a wee one...
last 4 lines...
reads smoother to me, as something like
"This branch would soon grow
to a dark twisted tree
destroying the remnants
of all female debris".
just fiddled with the order of the first line...seemed to roll
off the tongue easier
shortened lines 2 and 4 by one syllable each...reads smoother
into ~to
feminine ~ female
late thought...
"destroying all remnants
of female debris"
cheers
p
Dear P.
Actually, the words came very easily, the just tumbled right out of my head! The hard part was waiting to get home to get them down on paper. thank you for your suggestion, I have changed "feminine" to "female".
always, cat
Dear P.
I just got around to making the changes you suggested. Thank you for your suggestions!
always, Cat
Hello:)
This one is oh, so painful. I agree about breaking it up into stanzas, otherwise, a very strong read.
kind regards,
wolfycat
Hello Wolfycat!
What a pleasant surprise to see you!!! Thanks, so much. I have broken it into stanzas and I am pleased with the results. How are you doing?
love, Cat
Cat
This reminded me of the Tim Burton film, Edward Scissor Hands. I cant see anything, I would change,
Much love lou
Dear Lou,
Edward Scisorhands... that is quite a compliment :)
love, Cat
Just letting...
you know, that you did a good job at letting the world know, how much it hurts to be rejected for being who you are. Your rhythm and pattern worked well for the most part, and "pleaides" tweaks were right on the money. ~ love ya, ~ Gee
Dear Sir Gee,
this started out as a rough draft, and with all the help of the readers, I am pleased with what it has turned into. Thanks for the thumbs up!
love, Cat
Cat
Cat,
I had been thinking about this piece, since you told me about it's existence and where you were at the time of thinking up the lines and stanza's.
I have seen that from the comments already made above have already tightened it up.
Will this be included in Styx II along with 'the birth of...'? They would work well together making a great introduction (maybe 'great' isn't the right word since the subject matter can't be considered as great for obvious reasons)
I am not convinced yet if it should rhyme...it is rhymed perfectly well, but I just wonder if it would have more impact written in an Eddy Styx, non-rhyming style. I am not sure, let me think about it.
Favourite/strongest stanza:
Conceived in the dark
of a closet room
forever cursed with
the mark of doom
the 'mark of doom' is very powerful in the context of the subject matter.
Regards,
HS
Dear Rosi,
I have never liked my birthday because too many bad things have happened for me on this day. I usually breathe a sigh of relief the day after. This year was a milestone birthday and I had a lot of trouble getting through it, getting older shock, lol! Thanks for reading and commenting.
love, Cat
Dear Cat..
i am no expert critic like many before me...for me the writes from the likes of you Seren Anna...Dan..Stan...and many of friends made here ...are like lessons...like this one too...
love..
Dear raj,
Expert critic or no, your comments and suggestions are always welcome here. Thanks for reading :)
love, Cat
Hello Candlewitch
This poem has a strong feeling to it. It took my heart. You have a great way with words. I thank you for this entry. You are a wordsmith. Keep writing my friend. Read you later.
Quote: Poetry is the living soul of the writer.
by Pixee
Cheers,
Pixee
Thank you, Pixee! I had a lot
Thank you, Pixee! I had a lot of good suggestions on this one to help me. By the way, it is very nice to meet you!
always, Cat