funmzy Artz
Mar 26, 2022

The Burning Phoenix.

One hand holds the sky
One hand holds the earth
Am in the middle of a quicksand
And a sea
I turn to the moon to share
My worries

I walk the steps of dreams
To fufill my predestined fate
Agony and guilt weigh me down
But the burning flames
Of dreams relinquish me

I walk the thorns of life
With the sword of determine
In my hand
A teardrop
That is me.

I was drenched in the sea
Of Oblivion
Somewhere in the clouds
Somewhere in the forest
I would see a burning Phoniex

My right hand holds you
My left hand lets you go
You and me
Me and you
Are of no difference.

Funmzy Artz.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: Alfred Tennyson

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

I like your title and flow into the poem proper. there is much emotion put into this, which I really enjoyed. these are my favorite lines:

I walk the steps of dreams
To fufill my predestined fate
Agony and guilt weigh me down
But the burning flames
Of dreams relinquish me

(though they were hard to select!)

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

Geezer

a dilemma here. I want to correct some of your speech but find that I would be extinguishing some of the charm of the work and fixing something that doesn't need fixing. I think that if I were to ask another Nigerian, to read it, they would understand
perfectly where you are going with this. There are others here on the site that I do manage to make understandable in English and this could use some rewriting, but I'm thinking that you have written a good poem here. Maybe if you write more and it becomes murky; then I will interfere with your language skills. ~ Geezer.
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