ever so gently
he takes my hand,
fibriomyalgia at bay
I can barely stand...
psoriatic arthritis
my deadly pitiless foes
with me always, taunting
pain with movement grows.
he helps me and comforts
when I'm low down,
making me laugh
when I could easily drown.
my friend, husband
long time combatant and lover,
never makes me feel useless
he has my back and my cover
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
The title...
has its own flavor, [mine] I like that!
The love and affection that you and your husband share
is very obvious, I also like the little aside [combatant].
We who love deeply, also have our disagreements.
The description of your afflictions and burdens, the tenderness
that he shows, lets us know that you are not alone.
Of course, I like your rhyme, which is very good and does not
seem forced.
All in all, a good poem to let your spouse and the world
know that you appreciate him. Nice! ~ Geez.
.
thanks Geez :)
a beautiful critique and response. you are very observant. I tried to get this poem into the My Poem contest by following the instructions, but must have messed up somehow.
*hugs, Cat
high Gee
We who love deeply, also have our disagreements. VERY WELL SAID IT
One can feel the pain and
One can feel the pain and struggle as we age in this piece. This could have easily fit right in with the wonderful poetry compilation: Coming To Age: Growing Older With Poetry - A wonderful book you may want to give a look. Enjoyed this one - thanks!
dear Michael,
thank you for reading and leaving a supportive response. I appreciate you!
*hugs, Cat
*
hello Mark,
I am sorry you are sad and wish you all the happiness that you can find. thank you for reading my poem and responding. I appreciate you, to be sure.
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
do you think you can get Chrys off her butt and back on Neopoet again?
*
Great!
I can feel your pain through your words. It is crafted beautifully. It has a nice flow to it. I am so happy that your husband is such a great supporter.
dear Tracey,
thank you for such a sweet response. he, Steve is great, I appreciate him enormously, and tell him so every night before we go to sleep.
*hugs, Cat
*
Hey Cat,
I find myself late to the party, once again.
The only criticism that I can give you for this piece is...
I wish I had writtin it. ;)
Pain and abiding love, aging and the care that comes from the one who decided to share your life...
Damn, woman, I wish I had written it.
Most excellent.
dear Race,
if only you could see my face right now...you would see shining eyes and a great beaming smile. all because of your comment, dear friend and poet!
*love & hugs, Cat
*